Chrrly and the Creepy Factory.

Terry:
 
Chrrrly loved picking apples, which really wouldn't have surprised anyone who 
found out -- it was almost stereotypical for the cricketfolk to be farmers, 
so if a city boy liked to go out to the orchard and work with plants, well, 
good for him. He still did it in secret, though, since most of his friends 
were otters and weasels and cats, who mocked him mercilessly if he showed any 
sign of conformity.
 
He'd never seen a *golden* apple before, though. He'd heard of magical apples 
which would grant wishes if you bit into them, of course, but they were 
supposed to look like normal apples. Curious, he reached up and picked it, 
and saw that it had something written on it:
 
"As the lucky finder of this golden apple, Willie Wombat cordially invites 
you to tour his factory of delights! Stand by for teleportation."
 
Chrrrly of course dropped the apple like a hot potato, but it was cursed, and 
stuck to his hand... and then, shimmering folds of space like the claws of 
some maleavolent elemental closed around him, distorting the world outside 
into a blurry mess, and opened to deposit him in the courtyard of a huge, 
imposing castle, whose outer gates -- behind him -- were tightly shut and 
barred, and from the moss and dirt looked like they hadn't been opened in 
years.
 
After a few seconds, several other 'lucky' people of various sorts -- with 
apples likewise glued to their hands -- were deposited in the yard, and with 
a low rumble of grinding stone, the main doors of the castle keep started to 
open.
 
Athalon:
 
Bad Motown, a hip and heavy 80's beat blasted from everywhere and no place in 
particular.  The castle doors swung wide, the portcullis raised.  But instead 
of trumpets and other such accoutrements of  noblesse, the rock music got 
down and dirty.
 
Then Wonka appeared.
 
He glided, backwards, across the yard.  His suit was dark and tight and 
glittery, a spangled bowler pulled down low over his eyes.  Odd, but his feet 
seemed to be moving in rather the opposite direction in which the rest of him 
travelled, but it was hard to tell as the movements were so gangly and jerky. 
 
Then he turned, slid the single sequinned white glove he had on up one thigh, 
grabbed his crotch.  "Oooh!"
 
Chrrrly gaped.
 
"Welcome... boys..."  the strange Mr. Wombat whispered creepily.
 
Tarka:
 
The boys looked at one another with mixxed expreasions of dread and forboding.-
 One was all dressed up in tradisional kilt n scarf. Another had on mall 
cloths and looked like they had pockets full of ill gotten mall loot. Five 
finger discounts all the way. 
 
Chrrly noticed that one efemanate boy dressed up in a little pink pair of 
pantaloons. They had flared bottoms and a flowered shirt. His cloths 
screeemed 1970s. They did look a little worn, so much have been hand me downs 
from their dad. Groovy Man... Just Groovy. Oh behave.
 
The last boy was the only normal looking one in the buch. An otter with a big 
fish in his muzzle. The fish has an apple stuffed in its mouth... and it 
looked like it was about to be cooked... or just eatten... you could never 
tell with otters.
 
Wonka walked over to the boys... paw still on his crotch. "Come come... and I 
will show you my factory of creepyness! You will Love it!
 
Terry:
 
The effeminate looking little poodle approached Mr. Wombat and hugged his 
leg. "Hi! I'm Pepper! Are you itchy?" he asked, eyeing the Wombat's crotch. 
"I might be able to help you scratch your itch. But I need to be home by six."
 
The mall-rat reached into one of the bulging pockets of his oddly out of 
season winter coat with his free hand, and pulled out a knife. "If you touch 
me, you're dead, creep," he said, glowering.
 
The kilted lizard looked vaguely annoyed. "Do you know who I am? I demand 
that you remove this apple and send me home, or I'll tell my father, and 
he'll have you flogged and drawn and quartered and hanged and chopped up into 
little bits and boiled and eviscerated and locked up in a dungeon for the 
rest of your life!"
 
The otter looked around at everyone, took the fish out of his mouth, and 
asked, "Will there be food?"
 
Willie unsuccessfully tried to scrape Pepper off his leg, then smiled at the 
other children. "Of course! All the candy you can eat! Just come..." he 
grunted, taking a heavy step as he had to lift Pepper along with his spindly 
frame, "...inside... with me..."
 
Tarka:
 
Churrly just gaped at the goings on.... watching pepper clutch at the creepy 
wonka man as he staggered into the castle. He eyed the gate again and then 
reallized that two of the piles of moss and rot were really gaurds.... tree 
elementals... and unhappy by the looks of them. So he followed the creepy 
badger into the castle... wishing he could barrow the rats knife.
 
The front door openned out into a massive pumpkin patch... huge leaves and 
bigger pumpkins lay everywhere in the room. "Now now children... everyhthing 
in this room is edible. The pumpkins are compleatly filled with candy! Go 
ahead! Bust one open and find some for yourself.
 
The Mall rat... never one to look a gift in the mounth... was all over one 
pumpkin in a momment with his knife.... cracking it open with a pop... candy 
spilling out of it in waves.
 
The kilted lizard crossed his arms and glared at Wonka... the golden apple 
still stuck in his paw. Hissing nastily. Chrrly moved away from him, he 
didn't look safe at all.
 
Terry:
 
Sure enough, his mouth opened, and a stream of posion jetted out to spray 
Willie in the face, steaming as it burned away his fur and skin. He fell to 
the ground and thrashed around for a bit, until he eventually stopped moving 
except for the occasional twitch. His hand never left his crotch.
 
Pepper gingerly let go of his leg and stood up, tears running down his 
muzzle. "Is he -- is he dead?"
 
The mall rat looked up from his shattered pumpkin, chocolates and caramels 
dripping from his mouth. "Man, that was messed up. You're a fricking psycho, 
man." Searching around in his pockets, he came up with a set of chemistry 
goggles, and hurriedly put them on.
 
Chrrrly looked around, and noticed that the doors out were closed, now, and 
in every other direction was pumpkins and vines, as far as he could see. "So 
what do we do now?"
 
Tarka:
 
The kilted Lizard hissed. "We leave this place and then call my father so 
that he can raise this place to the ground. The rest of you can come home 
with me and be my servenes. None of you are good enough to be in my company.
 
It was at that momment that a murrmmer started to come from the rest of the 
pumpkin patch.... little voices whispering in the patch. "Doggy Doo... Doggy 
Doo... the wicked pumpkin maker is dead." Then from all around little short 
men with little stubby cigars and stubby beards came forward. Each one of 
them struted out with white gloved hand over there crotches. 
 
"Dear Children, dear children, you have saved us from the Wonka. Now you may 
take his magic glove to help you leave the land of az."
 
Chrrly took one look at that gloved hand... still on the wonka's crotch.... 
and backed off. "No way!"
 
Terry:
 
Everyone looked at Pepper, but he was on the ground, sobbing, and not 
listening to anyone. The otter was gnawing futily on a pumpkin, the lizard 
was trying -- unsuccessfully -- to muster up another squirt of poison to 
spray at the horrible creatures, and the rat was *missing*. Chrrrly, sighed, 
and realized he had no choice. He reached down, and tried to pry the hand up 
so that he could remove the glove.
 
It took a lot of concentration, as the fingers didn't want to move, and 
Chrrrly was far too squeamish to risk breaking them, especially when he 
wasn't sure Willie was dead. After about a minute of wiggling it around, he 
curled his antennae in frustration, and looked up to tell people that it 
wasn't coming off...
 
Suddenly, a flash went off in his eyes, and as they cleared he saw that 
Willie was sitting up and holding a camera with his other hand, having just 
taken a picture of Chrrrly in a compromising position. His fur was burned 
off, and his skin was red, but he looked cheerful and mischievous. "Gotcha!"
 
Tarka:
 
Chrrly screamed and lept away from Wonka and stumbled over a pumpkin... all 
the little cigar smoking men laughed and started to sit around the children 
in a circle... they even managed to flush out the rat. The kilted lizarded 
looked livid. "You should be dead! My father will hear about this!
 
Wonka stood up in one fluid motion and the camra in his other paw disappeared.-
 "Well well children... if you have had enough of the candy here... we should 
set sail for the hall of horrors! Umkins! Umkins! Bring the boat!"
 
A dozen of the little cigar smoking umkin's rushed off to go get the boat for 
the green edible slime river. "Right away boss. Right away."
 
Terry:
 
"Sail?" said the otter, and rushed ahead of the others. "Yes! Water! Come 
here, little fishies..." there was a splash, and the sound of a struggle, and 
Chrrrly was nervous as to what he'd find when he finally got through all the 
pumpkins, and he and the others reluctantly followed their host.
 
When they got there, they saw what looked like a giant swan boat tipped over 
on its side, with dozens of 'Umkins' struggling to swim, as something large 
underwater kept dragging them down to get slimed.
 
It took a long time to right the boat and rescue all the Umkins, and still 
longer to coax the otter out of the river, and by the end of it *everyone* 
was coated in slime and in an even lousier mood. Even Pepper glowered at the 
grinning otter, as he tried in vain to get the goop out of his fur.
 
Tarka:
 
Wonka didn't looked pleased... not pleased at all. He grabbed his croch again 
and said... "OHH! "Now my Umkin's... Forward to the hall of horror." 
 
The umkins... still dripping with slime... with their now smoldering cigars 
still clutched in their stickly lips... did their best to row the boat 
through the slime river.
 
"Hey hey!" said the otter. "Look at the fishies I got!" He showed off the 
pile of slimy fish in the bottom of the boat. Insisting that everyone look. 
Even the hissing kilted lizard... who now regreated using all his poinson on 
the first shot.
 
The boat moved into a dark tunnel with candy fungus on the walls. "Now 
kids... the fungus in this tunnel is filled with nummy candy!
 
The effeminate poodle was the only one that seemed to be in a better mood... 
sticking close to wanka like slime. "Oh... I'm so glad that your not dead Mr 
Wonka!
 
Terry:
 
Willie looked down at Pepper with disgust, and pulled some fungus off the 
wall to stuff in the poodle's mouth. "Here, chew on this," he said. Chrrrly 
looked at the fungus, and reached out to pull off a sample.
 
He paused, though, and looked up at Willie. The quickly looked away from the 
hideous scarred visage and even more terrifying outfit. "Um... Mr. Wombat... 
badger... thing... this doesn't have any nuts in it, does it?"
 
Willie frowned, and leaned down to consult with his Umkins. "No, no nuts in 
the fungus-candy."
 
"How about raspberries? Goat's milk? Eggs?"
 
"No, no, nothing like that..."
 
"High fructose corn syrup?"
 
Willie looked at him strangely. "You're allergic to high fructose corn syrup?"
 
"No, I just can't support the criminal HFCS industry, that destroys thousands 
of acres of land with its destructive factory-farms and fertilizers. Did you 
know that the amount of chemicals added to an acre of farmland used for 
growing corn goes up by 5% per year? That means that in 20 years..."
 
Chrrrly noticed that everyone was staring at him in horror, and he crossed 
his arms. "I refuse to support the destruction of our environment, no matter 
how tasty."
 
Tarka:
 
"Look man... your nuts." Said the mall rat. He grabed one of the fungus 
candies and gobbled it down. "Its good... and free. Wot more can you ask for?"

Chrrly watched as the pupuls of the rats eyes grew wider and wider.... 
"ohhhhhh......"
 
"Mr Bander... wots in those fungus things!
 
Why... surger and LSD. The best of both worlds!" Wonka seemed happy with 
himself.
 
None of the other kids tried the candy fungus after the rat... the poodle was 
just drooling onto one of the unhappy umkins.
 
Finally, after what seemed like an endlessly long time, they finally made it 
to the next room. "Now this is something you will love!" Wonka seemed happy. 
"This is the ballistics test lab. This is where you can shoot rock candy at 
your loved ones." Wonka looked around. "Here... let me show you with Pepper 
here." He grabbed the still drooling pepper and tossed the limp creature onto 
the floor and slid it in front of the umkin maned candy guns.
 
Terry:
 
The Umkins propped Pepper up on the guns, as he looked around confused, 
drooling and starting at things only he could see. A divider slid out of a 
side wall, positioning two of the scruffiest poodles Chrrrly had ever seen 
before the guns -- and from their dress, they had to be Pepper's parents.
 
Then, the Umkins circled around the poodle and started making noises -- 
"Rattattattattat!" said one, "They're everywhere! We need fire support!" 
yelled another. "Ahhhh! I'm hit!" said a third. Pepper screamed, and started 
firing the rock candly wildly, while his bound and gagged parents squirmed 
and squealed as bits of crystallized sugar shattered all around them.
 
Willie whispered to Chrrrly and the otter and the lizard. "It really works 
better if you've had some of the fungus. It's not too late, I saved some for 
you."
 
Tarka:
 
The kilted lizard glared at Wonka in pure hate and turned him back on the 
affair... a bit to soon as the demented poodle started to fire at the kinds 
and Wonka only a momment later... everyone else ducked... but the Lizard got 
pelted with hard rock candy fast and hard. Like being shot with rock salt it 
was.
 
Chrry watched the proud lizard fall over flat onto his pointed muzzled... 
several teeth busting and scitting accross the floor. "Oh dear... well don't 
worry kids." Said Wonka. "His teeth will grow back I think. Umkins! Please 
take our guess to the reptile room so that he can recover." Four umkins 
picked up the now comatose lizard and marched out of the room singing.
 
~purses and buttons... boots and wallets. Thats what lizards are good for.~ 
and on that note... they marched out of sight. Now the only kids left were 
the druged out poddle, the stoned rat... Chrrly, and that 70s kid that hasn't 
said anything yet.
 
Mr Wonka... said the little 1970s squirrl. "Why are the umkins singing that 
song?"
 
Terry:
 
Willie screamed, and staggered back against the wall. "Where did you come 
from?!"
 
Chrrrly and the otter both said, "He's been there the whole time," in unison, 
then looked at each other and shrugged. After a few seconds, the otter 
mumbled, "Jinx."
 
Willie took a while to recover, breathing heavily with his hand over his 
crotch. Miraculously, Pepper managed to miss everyone else during this time, 
and eventually his gun ran out of candy. "Well, fine. Chrrrly? Do you want to 
shoot your parents next?"
 
Chrrrly glowered angrily as a new wall came out to replace the battered 
poodles, with his parents pinned to it like butterflies. "Just say the word, 
and you won't have to," Willie said, grinning. Chrrrly squirmed.
 
"If you don't want to shoot your parents, say so, and I won't have the Umkins 
drag you bodily up to the gun and force you to pull the trigger." Chrrrly 
glowered at Willie with pure hate, and then at the Otter.
 
"Um, dude," the otter said, "He said your name, so you aren't jinxed anymore."
 
Tarka:
 
Like a man condemed... the grasshopper marched to the gun... back held 
straite and narrow.... his parents compound eyes glisened and the pins that 
held them to the wall looked terrible painful. He grabed the gun... and 
travered to over to aim at Wonka and let loose with the candy gun. "Ratttattta-
attt attt... he wasn't a very good aim and he started to hit everyone... 
wonka and umkin alike.
 
"Ouch!" Said the otter and curlled up... his thick hide keeping him from 
behing hurt... the rat was still to stoned to notice, and Wonka just danced 
around giggling every time he got hit. The new found squirrl leapped out of 
the way of the flying candy bullets.
 
Chrrly ran out of candy bullets a momment later.
 
Terry:
 
Willie looked over at Chrrrly's parents, who had miraculously come through 
the whole thing unharmed -- which was a very good thing, as even rock candy 
might have shattered their exoskeletons. "I'm afraid you didn't score any 
points, Chrrrly... that means you LOSE!"
 
"Umkins, take him away to the ant farm!" Chrrrly screamed and struggled, but 
the sea of little bearded men was too much for him, and he found himself 
roughly wrestled through creepy corridors until they came to a large, dark 
pit -- and tossed him in!
 
Tarka:
 
The otter looked off to where the now doomed Chrrly was sent... then giggled. 
"I didn't like that bug anyway. So wots up wakky one. Do I get to off my 
parents next?"
 
"Why little otter... you seem into this fun! Yes yes! you go next!"
 
A new wall came down with two otters strapped to it. They looked royally 
pissed. Then the little kid otter ran over to the candy gun and let loose on 
his folks... it hit themall over... giving them little welts everywhere... 
but not really hurting them at all. Otters have tough skin.
 
Willy gripped his croch and went... "OOHHHhh!!" You win!"
 
Terry:
 
"But what about me, sir?" the squirrel asked, "Don't I get a turn?"
 
"AhhhH! What is it!" Willie screamed, staring at the squirrel in horror. "Get 
it away from me!"
 
The otter-wall was whisked away, and replaced with a large wall onto which 
were strapped hundreds of squirrels, all dressed in tie-dyed shirts and love 
beads. The squirrels started furiously nibbling at their bonds, chewing 
through them with powerful rodent teeth.
 
"No... no!!!" Willie cried, cowering, "I know I didn't invite a squirrel 
here! You aren't supposed to be here!"
 
The squirrels freed themselves from the walls, and started fighting with the 
umkins, scratching with huge claws and gnawing with evil squirrel teeth -- 
dozens of fluffy tails waving back and forth in the air over the sea of 
grayish brown fur.
 
In seconds, the Umkins were reduced to a pile of ugly gnawed bones, and the 
bloodstained squirrels turned on Willie, chittering dangerously. The 
squirrel-kid smiled. "Oh yes, Wonka, it's us! Now -- show us where you put 
your nuts!"
 
Tarka:
 
Willy wasn't so easelly defeated... as the umkins in this room were only 
few... so he got out a whistle. "Umkins! Umkins! To arms! To Arms!" Umkins 
started to come in ever doorway and ran for the squirls... little cigars 
gripped in their mouths... "Umkin... umkin... umkin...." The battle was 
joined.... umkin and squirl both fell in a massive bloody mess while willy 
laughted and pushed his boat out into the slime river. "To the nut room! To 
the nut room!"
 
The little kid squirl looked happy... "Nuts! Nuts!" Ignoring the bloody 
battle behind them as more and more umkins came into the room...
 
Terry:
 
Down in the ant farm, Chrrrly was strapped to a table, with three Umkins on 
each arm trying their best to pull off his legs -- when a faint whistle came 
through the air, and the Umkins suddenly ran off.
 
Chrrrly struggled, and eventually managed to get loose. He looked around the 
now deserted torture chamber, and, hearing some pitiful hissing from around a 
corner, rushed to free the lizard, who was just waking up. "Come on, we have 
to get out of here before they kill us!"
 
"I don't need your help," the lizard sneered, and pushed Charlie aside as he 
rushed off. "Daddy! Daddy, where are you!"
 
Charlie scavenged up the biggest and most dangerous looking knife and 
bludgeon he could find, and set out into the clean, modern, high-tech, and 
utterly deserted hallways, in search of an exit. Or his parents. Or *something-*.
 
Tarka:
 
Willy left the sounds of battling squirls and umkins behind... heading to thr 
room of nuts.... they got their shortly and then squirm squeelled with 
delight and ran from bin to bin to bin... looking at all the round... 
wonderful nuts.... "Oh yes... nuts... oh... my nuts.
 
Wonka smiled and then pointed... "Those are my biggest nuts." He pointed up 
to the side of one wall... and the squirl looked... huge nuts were there. 
Massive and big. The squirrl walked over to them... paws outstretched, eyes 
big and round in awww... "Oh by the nut."
 
Willy grined and evil grin and pulled a lever... the nuts dropped to the 
floor and crushed the happless squirrle into a puddle of gooy blood.
 
"Oh dude... wot a way to go." The otter was sitting in the boat picking at 
his teeth. "Wot a way to go. Happy at least."
 
Wonka looked annoyed... the otter and the dazed rat were still in the boat 
with him.
 
Terry:
 
"I don't have time to deal with you now," he said to the two remaining 
contestants, stroking his crotch absently "I'm going to teleport you away 
where you can't interfere with the battle."
 
"You're going to send us home?" the otter asked.
 
"Eventually," Wonka said, and threw his head back. "YOW!" Space blurred, and 
the otter found himself in midair, and soon quickly falling earthwards. He 
could, indeed, see his house from there... and most of him ended up in his 
room, after he smashed through the roof at terminal velocity.
 
Tarka:
 
The drugged out rat kind of missed the events... still stoned out of his 
little mind. So he was still in the boat while willy pased back and forth 
petting his croch. "Wot to do... wot to do... my umkin's need fresh meat."
 
"By Jove! I got it! I will just get more kids to come! This time without 
their pesky parants." He giggled as he plotted. 
 
Meanwhile... Chrrly rushed into the candy gun room... the floor littered with 
the bodies of umkin and squirl... all dead. Knife still held firmly his his 
claw. "I will do what I must do. Wonka must die!"
 
He heard the sickening laugh from down the hall and followed it... eyes Red 
with rage.
 
Terry:
 
Suddenly, a voice came from out of sight. "No, son... don't... don't give in 
to your rage..."
 
Chrrrly turned, and walked towards the voice. "Mommy?" he said, weakly, 
scrabbling and stabbing at the wall panel that the parent-targets had swooped 
out from. Squirrel and Umkin blood pooled around his ankles, but he didn't 
notice. "Mommy! I'll save you!"
 
"No, son... it's too late for me... but whatever you do... don't give in to 
your rage... don't become a locust!"
 
"Don't listen to her," came another voice, Chrrrly's father. "Save us! Get us 
to a hospital! Waaaah, I don't want to die!"
 
Tarka:
 
It was too late though.... Chrry had already become lucuss and his wings were 
sliding accross each other... called... called the swarm... his mother was 
crying in her cage as she hurt the terrible sound of the swarm call.
 
She wasn't the only one to hear it though. Willy did as well and then stopped 
his pasing. "Umkins! Umkins! Find the bug and squish it before the swarm get 
here! Run my umkins Run!
 
The Umkins ran! Right to the big exit signs out out of the doomed castle in 
droves... heading back to umkin land. With boxes of stoggies under their arms.
 
Right about then the Lizard army arrived at the gates of the castle and a big 
proud looking lizard stood on top of a tank... with a flambouant kilt. "I am 
emperer hiss! Turn over my son or die!
 
It was too late for them too... cause the swarm was right behind them... a 
sea of flying bugs... all with their eyes glowing red.
 
The insects pounced on the tender nummy lizard army with poinsinus spit... 
and ate them were they stood.... then swarmed onto the castle.... eatting 
everything in their path.
 
Terry:
 
Chrrrrly chrrrred in delight as he joined the swarm, flying out of the castle 
after gutting it completely and chasing down the fleeing Umkins. Suddenly, 
someone kicked him in the head.
 
Chrrrly woke up to find himself lying on the ground in the orchard, a 
half-eaten golden apple in his hand. His friends were standing around him, 
one of them kicking him in the head while the others divided up the stuff 
he'd had in his pockets.
 
"Wow, what a dream. I was in a magical place, that really... kind of sucked. 
And none of you were there. Just those nerds from fifth period."
 
"Yeah?" said Gimmer the rat, his nose poking out of the hood of his thick 
winter coat. "I'm glad, then. I'd hate to be slumming around in *your* 
dreams."
 
"Actually, you were there," Chrrrly said. And everyone laughed.
 
"So, your wings come in yet?" the weasel asked. "I want you to be a locust, 
so I can get free rides off ya."
 
"Nah, my mom still has me on the hormones," Chrrrly said. And they all headed 
back to the city, picking on smaller kids and causing trouble, and generally 
having a great time.