(Idea originally put forth by Matt)
Agent Millie Spiffy flopped down in her inflatable chair across from Agent Matt Muddy and stuck out her tongue, "That is the craziest thing I've ever heard, Muddy!"
"Oh, come on, Spiffy, you have to admit... it -would- explain a lot of things.. the sudden popularity of them, why they haven't passed as a trend yet.." Muddy had a rather serious face on at the moment.
Spiffy sighed. "Muddy.. aliens did not create the Spice Girls.."
Muddy paused. "Well how do you know, Millie? Take a look at this file here." Muddy pushed a file across the desk to Millie. "It is partly why I was asking you."
Spiffy was out of clues. She bit her lip a bit, and then said, "I'm sure there is a perfectly good scientific explanati-"
Muddy interrupted, "There can't be. Believe me, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with science!"
Muddy opened the file and pulled out some pictures, "Look at these Spiffy, you can see that these 'women' aren't human. I mean, they aren't even furry. Now, I know, humans are sort of alien, but at least they are from this planet.
Spiffy looked at the photos, "Well Muddy, they are strange, even for humans.. but to think that (she chuckles) aliens made them what they are, is hard to believe.
Muddy shook his head, "We both know that humans have strange tastes in music and appearance, but these 'women' are strange even by human standards. The thing that concerns me is that some furries have admitted to liking them.
Spiffy laughed out loud! "You have to be kidding. There is no way that furries would like anything about these.. these.. these.. silicone enhanced, talent-retarded, tone-deaf tarts, with the clothing sense of a snail. I think something is wrong with them, but it isn't aliens.
Muddy pulled out another piece of paper, "Well, one of the girls 'quit' the group, or at least thats what the humans think. Actually, we have her in Furry Labs, and have run some tests." Muddy handed the paper to Spiffy. "Here are the results."
It was this particular moment that a wild-eyed rabbit bounded into the room, sporting both a cigarette, a suit, and a clear sense of panic. "Muddy! Spiffy! I have the evidence!.. In my jacket pocket is the clear and resounding demonstration that aliens exist! I have this from the archives of the highest powers in Washington!"
Spiffy asked, "Krychek? Uh, boy.."
Muddy looked up from the Spice Girls copy. "Krychek, if you've got another copy of the 'National Enquirer', I'm going to be really disappointed. Do you realize how much federal agency sweeps cost when alien landings are predicted for Soldier Field?"
Krychek insisted, "No! I'm serious! Listen to me! I found a classified
document in the vaults of the Department of Defense Building. I got...
well... a...
Spiffy smiled, "Krychek, you are aware that smoking causes cancer in any living lab rat, right?"
Krychek shivered violently, looking about the room as if someone were watching him.
Muddy adressed the unasked question, "Krychek, we're watching you. See? There's a camera up there. It goes to the VCR in the corner. We use it to trace wild stories and kooks, you know."
"But...but...I can't stay here any longer. Watch carefully. You don't have long! Neither of you!" In a flurry, Krychek puffed deeply on his cigarette, and raced out of the room.
"So, what's the incriminating evidence this time?" asked Muddy.
"It might actually be something useful: a napkin... with a phone number," suggested Spiffy.
Muddy looked at the napkin and nodded. "We should call the number then, and put a trace on it to find out where they are."
Spiffy nodded. "If you think that is the best, Muddy." She pushed the folder with the Spice Girls bio report across to him. "Anyways. I don't see how having two hearts would make you an alien. I am sure that are lots of people out there that would have two. Maybe they had too many cousin's marriages in the past."
Muddy frowned. "Whatever. Lets go find that phone number."
Meanwhile, up in the main office their room was being tapped. "Bob."
Bob nodded, "Yes."
A dark looking man looked at the screen. "We have a problem."
Bob nodded. "Yes."
The dark looking man tapped his fingers on the table. "You take care of it."
Bob nodded. "Yes." With that, he turned and left the room.
Spiffy and Muddy went down to the telephone company. Using their badges and Spiffy's powers of persuasion, they soon had the information they wanted, but it wasn't going to help them. The exited the building and stood on the sidewalk.
Muddy murmured, "Rats, a cell phone. We can't trace that unless we know the frequency, and only when it's currently in use."
Spiffy looked up and down the street, "Well, let's have lunch. I know how it can be traced. I have an otter friend who's into electronics... we'll stop by and see him after lunch. *wink*
Muddy looked around for a good place to eat. He felt like having a steak, but Spiffy liked to eat light at lunchtime.
It had been a bone of contention for a while, but they finally compromised and ate at a place that served both.
"Here, " Spiffy said, "lets go across the street to Wallies Weenies. I hear they are pure beef, but who knows?"
Spiffy smiled as she took Muddy by the hand and led him down the curb, they waited for the traffic to clear.
A break in the chain of cars opened up, and they stepped into the street. Suddenly the roar of a powerful engine was heard... Muddy looked up the street and saw a huge car, smoke belching from the exhaust and tires, heading straight towards them! He pulled Spiffy's arm and hoped he could make it to the other side before they were hit.
Muddy pulled Spiffy to the side and ran into the storefront as the large car came screaming down the street right at them. The windows were very dark so they couldn't see who was inside. The car crashed into the storefront just at they started to leap over the counter. Glass was flying everywhere. Both Spiffy and Muddy were up on their feet in moments and had their water pistols out in moments. Burning acid shot out of them at the car, frying the paint as the vehicle peeled out and tore itself free of the store.
Spiffy looked at Muddy, "I think that it is time that we went to see that otter friend of mine."
Muddy nodded. "I think that you are right." He put his gun away and stepped over the tables and chairs.
----
An hour later, they went into Sam's House of TV Parts. Spiffy walked up to the counter and leaned on it. A fuzzy looking otter came out of the back room. "Hello, Spiffy! Long time no see!" He leaped half over the counter to hug Spiffy. "What may I do fer you?"
Muddy stepped up. "We need to trace a cell phone down... to right where it is."
Sam scritched his ears... "Oh... very, very underpowered that one... 'tis against the law you know."
Spiffy pushed some money accross the table. Sam pocketed it. "How soon you want the tracker?"
Muddy grinned. "You know I need it now.. How much extra...?..."
Sam grinned back, "Oh, ...about 20 more Shinies..."
Muddy nodded, and pushed 20 more to Sam, who quickly took it, and slid a small black device and three odd-looking antennae across the counter.
"You need to place the antennae in a large triangle pattern around the area you think the cell phone is in," said Sam. "Then push the blue button twice, It will give you the 'lon' and 'lat' of the phone... Is there anything else you need?" asked Sam.
Spiffy looked at Sam and smiled, "No. Thats all."
Muddy took the parts and with Spiffy, he quickly left.
Spiffy looked at Sam, "And what if we have no idea what area the phone is in?"
Sam smiled, "Well, it can be done worldwide, and I used to know how to do it.. but, well, business has been slow, and I'm a bit hungry.. I'd go shopping, but with fresh fish being so expensive..."
Muddy rolled his eyes, "Would another 20 get your memory working again?" He slid the money on the counter.
Sam's eyes glittered and the money disappeared, "Now lets see."
Sam opened a cabinet with racks of shortwave radio and satellite receiving and transmitting gear.
Sam looked at a list, "No. HBO about freaked last time I used their freq. Hmmm....."
Sam turned on some equipment and made some adjustments. There were a variety of hums clicks and thumps as the equipment prepared.
"There it is. I can't narrow it down any further, but that's where the phone at -that- number of rings is."
Muddy and Spiffy stood speechless. It was impossible but true, the phone was in Furry Labs, where Ginger Spice was being held.
"Lets see.." A large CRT glowed and a map of the world was displayed upon it. He pressed in some numbers and a small dot started to glow on the map."
Spiffy got her voice back first, "Do you suppose that the Spice girl has the phone? Or maybe someone else in the lab?"
Muddy shrugged, "Well, I don't ... I guess we will have to go see what we can find." He grabbed Spiffy's paw, "Thanks Sam... we appreciate your help but we've gotta run."
Muddy flagged down a cab and pushed Spiffy into the backseat. "Driver, take us to Furry Labs on 4th and 86th streets as quick as you can!"
The raccoon in the front seat turned and grinned at his new fares. "Sure, I know a back way that will save us some time. Hang on..." As Muddy slammed the door shut, the cab shot out into traffic and began to weave a tortuous path through the other cabs and vehicles. Soon the cabbie turned the wheel hard and maneuvered his car into a narrow alleyway.
Spiffy watched wide-eyed and began to shake her head, whispering, "I don't know about this, Muddy... Where is he taking us? I don't like the looks of this short-cut."
Muddy reached forward and banged on the safety glass between the driver and themselves. "We would much rather take the long way, sir."
The driver nodded and held his paw... thumbs up. "Sure thing."
The locks on the doors next to Spiffy and Muddy clicked into place as the driver came to a stop and got out. "See you later! Well... maybe not." He stepped out, waved and walked away.
Spiffy looked out of the window. "Muddy, ...we are sitting on a set of railroad tracks."
Muddy got out his pistol and blasted the safety glass between him and the front seat. "I can see that, Spiffy. Tell me something that I don't know."
Spiffy nodded. "As you wish. There is also a large train coming."
Muddy looked out the window, then redoubled his efforts to get out of the back seat and into the front. "Thank you, Spiffy..."
The raccoon slipped back in quick behind the wheel stepped hard on the gas, and with a squeal of tires, the cab bounded out of the train's path.
Muddy's door slammed shut, and Spiffy took a breath in relief. "Sorry, folks," the driver said, "That's the first time I ever saw a train on those tracks. You all right?"
Spiffy trembled as she replied, "We are for now.. where did you get your license, Sears?"
Muddy patted her knee, "Hey... we're ok now ...I think."
The raccoon said, "If I hadn't jumped out and gotten that board full of nails out of the way, we would have had a flat! We'll be at Furry Labs in a minute."
Muddy and Spiffy looked at each other and shrugged. Soon they were parked in front of a squat grey building with antennas and satellite dishes on the top. They stepped out of the cab, and paid the driver. "No tip," Spiffy spoke, as they gave him the money.
Muddy looked at Spiffy, then at the large bear guarding the door, "What now?"
Muddy shook his head at Spiffy, "Who knows... the way this day is going it could be anything. Darned ol' Friday the 13th anyway... C'mon, Spiff... let's find out what is going on. Got your badge?"
Spiffy nodded as she reached into her pocket and fished out her badge case and ID. "Yep, I got it right here." She flashed it at the guard bear and started to walk towards the door.
The bear stepped into her path and grunted, "Ya can't go in there... The boss told me I was to watch fer you and yer friend here."
Spiffy looked shocked and Muddy stepped up beside her in a huff. "What the devil do you mean we can't go in? We work here!" The bear just grunted again and flipped open a cell phone to dial a number.
He waited a second and his voice rasped as he spoke, "Yep, it's me... I got them two you said to watch fer... uh-huh... well, I don' know... I suppose... Yep, I'll bring them right there, sir." The bear snapped the phone shut and looked at the pair before him. "He says I'm s'posed to bring you in." The guard stuffed the phone into his pocket and gave Spiffy and Muddy a shove towards the door. "Go on in... an' no funny stuff.. I'm right behind you."
Spiffy and Muddy started in through the door, Muddy casting at the bear his best attempt at a whithering scowl, which of course didn't have a whole lot of affect. They walked down the main hallway towards the storage warehouse in the back of the building, not because they wanted to particularly, but because their ursine escort would move them along with a not-so-subtle show of brute strength everytime they slowed down.
They finally arrived at the stairway leading down to the cold storage rooms underneath the building, at which the bear pointed a flabby finger. "Down there. Move it. Boss is waiting for you."
Spiffy and Muddy glanced at each other and shrugged, starting down the stairwell. Once inside the doorway leading in, however, the bear shoved them bodily down into the dark basement below. "There. Now don't you try no funny stuff. Boss'll see ya when he's ready". With that, he slammed the metal door, and the sounds of chains being padlocked around the handles could be heard on the other side.
From inside their container, they could hear the heavy breathing of the guard (an oversized fur factory) heave himself up against the metal doorway. Metal... it was all around them, no bars, no cages...just smooth, smooth metal.
It was going to be a boring wait.
It was an hour later when they finally gave up. "Spiffy?"
"Yeah?"
"That bear seemed fam-"
Muddy caught his breath as the door swung open, "Yes, I do believe he did--he trained you. The boss is waiting, now get!"
The two were led down another hallway, as dimly lit as the first. The heavy trod of the bear-guard constantly advanced on them, driving them deeper into what looked like a hopeless situation.
The guard paused, more of his weight settling, and reached above the foxes to throw open the final door.
Suddenly, Spiffy was shoved aside and down, in a gesture of obedience- 'This is more than insane---' she thought, before she saw the Spice Girl fan club posters on the wall. Hundreds of them, thousands. Hundreds upon thousands!
"Muddy, I think..."
The guard growled.
Spiffy and Muddy gazed at all the Spice Girls posters and paraphanalia on the walls, the ceiling and even the floor, covered with pictures and photos and CDs.. Spiffy gave Muddy a look, as if to say, "These folks are NUTS!"
Muddy nodded and continued on, forced forward by the presence and insistence of the bear.
They reached the end of the corridor, the double doors there were flanked by two huge gorillas.
The bear handed his charges over to the gorillas, who wordlessly took Spiffy and Muddy in their huge hands and turned them to face the doors. One gorilla opened them...
They were seemingly and physically forced backward by a huge stereo system, the words blasted at them.... "Tellmewhatyawantwhatyareallyreallywant!"
"Tellmewhatyawantwhatyareallyreallywant!"
"Tellmewhatyawantwhatyareallyreallywant!" over and over again.
They were forced inside, and there on a huge throne they saw Ginger Spice, surrounded by the Lab workers, all looking up to her, their faces blank, their eyes glazed.
Ginger picked up a microphone and shouted over the music, "So... how nice of you to join us Ms. Spiffy, Mr. Muddy... It's so nice to have so many fans. I hope you will join us... If not... WE'LL MAKE YOU JOIN US! " Ginger laughed maniacally.
Spiffy shouted over the throbbing music, "Your plan won't work, you alien scum! People will catch on.. The Spice Girls won't last forever, you'll be discovered."
Ginger Spice laughed, "So what.. The Spice Girls are fading anyway, their work is done, the rest have decomposed into bad clothes and silicone by now. The REAL plan is just starting."
Spiffy and Muddy looked at one another. Spiffy shouted, "The real plan? This wasn't it?"
Ginger Spice laughed, "Of course not... The Spice Girls were just an experiment to see if our plan would work, The Real Alien takover is being led by.... HANSON!"
Muddy and Spiffy looked at each other and scratched their heads. "Who?" they both said together. Ginger Spice looked annoyed and hit the mute button. The sudden quiet in the room hurt Muddy's ears.
"Hanson! He is the master of all the alien invaders! They are ready to take over the world! We will make you listen to bad music and suck the very thoughts out of your minds! We will feed forever on your blank looks and your blank stares!"
Spiffy stepped forward. "Wait a moment, so you mean... your race feeds off of people's dumbness?"
Ginger Spice sniffed. "Something like that. You see when a person is like, all zoned out, we can suck their life force right out. It is time for you to meet Hanson though! Bow before him or die!" Ginger Spice turned the music back on and the fillings in Spiffy's teeth almost worked out of his gums...
Millie and Muddy each took their collective breaths... Muddy was reminded of the lunch he had been forced to eat as a comprimise, and and if his indigestion was any metaphor for similar results, --he didn't think he would enjoy this much, either.
The door shot open, and three youngish boys entered, followed by an equally mindless crowd of screaming girls... They looked to be about 7, 14, and 17 or so, with long blonde hair.
The fans began to babble, their hair changing colors to match the Hansons'... who looked adoringly up at Ginger Spice...
Ginger Spice smiled cruelly, "Now, fully autographed printouts to the first one of you who captures one of those two foxes over there!"
The crowd surged forward, and the beginnings of "MmBop!" began to play over the speakers...
The bear guard's hair began to change color, too...
The crowd came at them, yelling and screaming, yet with a look of unconsciousness and blankness in their eyes.
Muddy and Spiffy found themselves pressed against the sound system, the jostling of the crowd causing the CD player to skip... the phrase "MMBop! MMMBop" cycling over and over again. Spiffy looked at Muddy and noticed that the white tip on his foxtail was turning... BLONDE!
Spiffy shouted at Muddy, "We've got to do something ...and fast!"
Muddy nodded.. but to the beat of the music. Spiffy knew she had to do something fast. She felt around for a weapon, anything to fight them off with, her hands groping and reaching... She put her hand in her back pocket and felt something... it was a CD! She had meant to leave it in the house before going by Muddy's office. Quickly, she took it out and looked at the title.. 'Perfect!'
She popped the CD out of the case, and hit the eject button on the CD player connected to the huge sound system, she popped in her CD, and hit play.
The music blasted out of the speakers and the room became still, with everyone looking to the speakers. Even Ginger Spice and Hanson all paused.
The crowd was still and silent as the music played.
"I knew that would work," said Spiffy. "Noone can stay dumb listening to..."
Muddy finished for her. "Sesame Street Live...."
Spiffy nodded... "Yes.. It was my fave CD when I was a little kid. Nothing could ever beat Rubber Ducky..."
Muddy looked out over the crowd and then blinked. Ginger Spice was melting right where she stood! "Look Spiffy! We have found their weakness! We can beat back the invaders from space! We must contact the White House at once. Force all of the radio stations in the world to play that CD again!"
Spiffy nodded and got out her phone. "We will see."
(The End... or is it...?)