Congratulations Dear Ghost! (Halloween III).

Tarka:
  
Someone had forgotten to turn off the turntable in the corner as the police 
wandered around the room taking prints and marking out the pattern of body on 
the floor. So it turned in the last grove making a quite deep thrum in the 
room. The only one that seemed to notice was also the only one in the room 
that was unnoticed.
 
Irma watched the record player and couldn't even cry. Someone had shot her 
before her favorate song had ended and now she would probable never hear it 
again. She watched them slip her body into a bag as her older brother turned 
up at last. He put on a show of crying a little but she knew he couldn't care 
a wit for what happened to her.
 
"Oh... Irma. You Win!" A voice called out from behind Irma... making her 
jump. She twisted around and over by one of the detectives a red devil was 
standing. Horns, hoves, fangs, and pot bellyed.
 
"OH GOD!!" Irma stepped back.
 
The devil shook his head. "You got it wrong there Irma."
 
Adara-by_Hershey:
 
Irma went cold as she stared at the figure.  It's gruesome eyes (or were they 
eyes?  They were so hollow, so cold, that one couldn't call them that).  
"What....what do you want?" Irma's voice was hesistant, and afraid.  The 
creature laughed hauntingly.
 
"You know who I am".  The laughter stopped now, and he fixed a piercing stare 
intently on Irma.  Irma shuddered- she DID recognize the figure, but she 
couldn't quite put her finger on it.  It was as if she knew him like a 
friend, yet he weas a stranger.  The evil figure began to laugh again. "A 
penny for the old guy!"  he chuckled maliciously.  Like a flash of light, 
recognition hit. "You...you're the spirit of Guy Fawkes!!"
 
Morticon:
 
(Note:  For the uninformed, Guy Fawkes is a historical figure who attempted 
         to overthrow the british monarchy)
 
Irma had only read about him in books, and now to actually SEE him!  She felt 
her legs wobble slightly as she began to realize that she was indeed no 
longer among the living.  "I.. uhh.. uggg.."  Irma couldn't find the words to 
match her thoughts.
 
Mr. Fawkes was not there by chance, however, or to bring history to life (or 
death, if you prefer).  "::Ahem::  I'm not here by chance.  In fact, I've 
come to see you for a very important and pressing reason. You see, Irma ..."
 
Butterfluff:
 
Irma's brother lifted the arm from the record on the turntable. The faint 
music continued, something by Handel, or the Beatles, something classical?
 
He shook his head. "Our parents are going to kill us for this. How am I going 
to explain..."
 
The policeman pointed at the body on the gurney, neatly packaged. "I think 
that's half done. We need some information form you, son."
 
Carlos:
 
Irma's brother made a big show of clearing his throat, and tried to act 
serene, all the while avoiding the eyes of the officer taking down notes.  "I 
barely got to see what happened, you understand."
 
"We used to come here sometimes.  Irma and I.  We didn't really hang out 
together, or anything, but Adara would always come with me..." Here, the 
young man made a pause, but the officer quickly finished his sentence for 
him.  "She needed you to get in here, right?  She was underage?"  The young 
man gulped, and nodded.
 
"Our parents didn't approve of me coming here, you know.  They still expected 
me to hang out at the movies, or some dumb McDonalds, or something.  But 
nothing like this ever happened before!  People usually don't bother you, if 
you stay out of their face!  But that kid from school... crazy b... witch.  
Dunno what the hell she had against Irma..."
 
Terry:
 
"So, you're saying there was someone else with a grudge against Irma. I 
suppose she was the one who shot her?" the policeman asked, taking down 
Carlos' statement.
 
Carlos looked a little uncomfortable. "Not... not exactly... but it was her 
fault."
 
"Right," the policeman said. "I'd like you to come with me down to the 
station." Another cop, having wandered behind Carlos, took his hands and 
cuffed them behind his back. Carlos yelped in surpise, and struggled as he 
was led away.
 
 The devil grinned at Irma, as she watched the scene unfold. "You see, Irma, 
you're the only one who can help me. And if you don't, your brother will 
never see the light of day again, after the police sort through the evidence."
 
Tarka:
 
"That twisted little basterd! That god damned less them perfect pig fucker of 
a brother of mine... that souless twisted brain case... that horrid wolf of a 
man! I hate him!" Irma turned around to the devil that once was Guy Fawkes. 
"What should I care if my 'brother' ever sees the light of day again you 
dirtly little traitor?"
 
Guy chuckled with a twisted little lilt to his voice. "Oh.. you will help me 
Irma... cause you see... your mine if you don't... forever... if you do. You 
get a chance to redeam yourself for a life wasted on music, dancing, and 
drugs. You never did anything bad... but you never did anything good. So you 
will help."
 
Irma turned white as a ghost and stared at the devil... (Kind of a cool 
effect from someone already dead). "What is it that you need me to do Sir 
Guy?"
 
With a clap of his claweed paws the Devil grins. "Why... blow that excuse for 
a government building up silly." He laughs manically for a few minutes.
 
Adara-by_Hershey:
 
Irma cringed.  She knew Fawkes had a point, and it angered her.  "I wish I 
could kill you" she muttered.  Too late she saw the humor in her statement.  
Afterall, Guy WAS dead.  The Devil-Fawkes chuckled, though "That attitude 
certainly won't help you save your life
 
"If you know what's good for you, you little bitch, you'll follow my 
instructions.  Understood?"  Irma stared at the gleam of hatred in Guy'
 
eyes.  "Yes, I'll help.  Fine.  Whatever."  "Ahh, much better" said Fawkes, 
"This is what I need from you...
 
Morticon:
 
Devil-Fawkes looked around the room.  "... but first, we need a change of 
scenery.  This room isn't helping us any."  He glances around at the dirty 
room where young people would commonly dance and even shoot up.  He holds out 
his hand, "If you'll just hold on, I'll give you a clearer picture of what I 
have in mind"  He grins, a hidious smile forming.
 
Irma nodded, and after a bit of hesitation holds out her hand.  The devil's 
cold rough claw of a hand grabs hers suddenly and they float through the 
walls, out of the room.  Irma gasps as they fly out the dingy building 
entirely and into the night sky... looking over the city that she lives in.
 
Together, they fly torwards the middle of the city, and Irma has a funny 
feeling that she knows where they'll end up.  The local government offices.  
"While you may not appreciate this yet, due to living your life in a haze, 
you will by the end, or spend the rest of your miserable afterlife trying 
to."  He says as he grabs her hand tightly a moment, making Irma even more 
uncomfortable.
 
Carlos:
 
Adara stared at the alien world around her; a gleaming world of marble and 
plastic, where no-nonsense individuals in impeccable suits scurried about, 
even in this late hour.  "You want me to destroy this?  How the hell can I do 
that, being dead?!  Poltergeist?!  Possesing a terrorist?!"
Note: Argh!  'Adara' should be read as 'Irma' in the last parargraph.  Sorry.
 
The Guy-Creature roared with laughter.  "Oh, Irma!  It's hard to find people 
in Hell with your sense of humor!  You almost make me regret my generous 
offer.  No, my dear.  You have been granted the powers of a demon.  You wanna 
do something nasty in the material world, you gotta tempt somebody to do it!"
 
Irma stared back at the creature in shock.  "I gotta _convince_ someone that 
to blow up a federal building?"  Ridiculous!  But the gleeful look in Guy's 
eye told her it was no joke.  Irma raked her mind thinking about all the 
people she knew, trying to come up with the right name, the right person for 
such a task.  Friends?  Family?  Not a chance.  There were a number who 
claimed nonstop to be anarchists at heart, but that was just their funny 
little word for 'lazy'.
 
And then, it came to her.  The perfect person for the job.  That self-righteou-
s, trigger-happy nutball who had shot her over a stupid school joke.  Adara 
"The Judge" Rathbone.
 
Terry:
 
Irma shook her head, and glared at Falkes. "Wait a second -- I'm supposed to 
use the powers of a demon to tempt someone into blowing up a building and 
killing people, and this will keep me OUT of hell? You're so full of shit!"
 
Falkes scowled. "Well, okay, I sort of made that part up. I was planning to 
offer to set your brother free and let them find the real killer, but 
apparently you hate him or something. Nothing you can do can keep your soul 
out of hell, Irma. God is on Adara's side, and hates you for tricking her 
into shooting you. That's the way he thinks. So... you might as well help me. 
I can make it easier on you. Keep you out of the lake of fire, get you into 
the fast track. You could have your horns in a couple years. And I think you 
and I both know who you can trick into doing the deed."
 
Irma cringed, but knew in her heart that was he was saying... *might* be 
true. And the chance to get back at Adara... to make sure that little witch 
didn't sleaze her way into heaven like she had into her brother's affections. 
"Will god hate Adara if I trick her into blowing up the building?"
 
Falkes shook his head. "Not a chance. You have to *tempt* her. Make sure she 
knows what she's doing. You need to be a demon, not some two-bit coyote. So, 
what's your answer?"
 
Tarka:
 
Meanwhile.... 
 
"Carlos!" Adara Ruthbone ran into the roomed and wrapped her arms around him. 
"I know you didn't do it my love! Will it help if I tell the coppers that?" 
She turned around and fixed her gaze on one of the gaurds.
 
Carlos hugs Adara and whispers to her solftly. "Don't worry. I didn't do it 
Adara. I don't think that they will ever know who did!" No one saw the 
shooter."
 
Adara smiled up at Carlos with a predetory look in her eye... "Didn't Irma 
have money put away somewhere though?"
 
Carlos blinked. "Money?"
 
Adara-by_Hershey:
 
Adara looked about as shocked as Carlos did, "yes, the money, remember?  From 
that little...episode last week?  I gave it to you.  It was outr anniversary 
present.  Carlos smiled as he remembered, "ahh, yes, my love.  The money.  
THAT money."  Taking Adara into his arms, Carlos gave her a soft, sensuous 
kiss.  They both smiled
 
Irma watched the two lovers, a feeling of pure hatred in her heart.  "Damn 
whore, I know how she got that money.  Mort Icon.  I knew he wasn't just a 
cousin.  Mort was her customer.  Damn."  Irma chuckled; Adara wasn't gonna 
have that job much longer/  Not if she had anything to say about it.  From 
that point on, Irma decided not only to make Irma destroy the building..but 
to do something else particularly nasty.  That something had to do with Mr. 
Icon
 
Morticon:
 
At this point Fawkes knew he only had to sit back and watch the fun.  He 
released her hand, "I think you know what to do.  I'll come back later to 
check on you"  And before she could say another word he disappeared!
 
Irma didn't even notice Fawkes disappear, she was so angry.  She was going to 
make Adara pay!  In the meantime, no sense trying while she is making out.  
Irma partly fades into a wall and waits for the guards to tell her that her 
time is up and that she must leave.  That time soon comes, and Irma is 
expelled onto the dark streets.
 
Adara doesn't go to her brother's place or to any late-night place nearby 
like Irma was hoping.  Rather, she headed down a few back alleys.  "I wonder 
where she's going..." Irma pondered.  She could hardly keep up, though she 
was slowly learning the art of gliding.  It was actually sorta fun.
 
Adara knocked on the apartment door and was quickly let inside.  Irma floated 
through the door to see just what was going on...
(Note:  Adara is expelled to the streets, not Irma.)
 
Carlos:
 
Irma's jaw dropped when she saw Adara's roomates.  They were all familar 
faces from her school, students who with families abroad who lived on her 
own, and judging from their night attire, they were all paying for their 
classes the same way Adara was.  Irma made a face.  She had always thought of 
Adara as a volatile, antisocial weenie, with nothing better to do than to 
fight for lost causes.  It had never occured to Irma that Adara might have 
just been venting out the anger stemmed from the real injustices in her life. 
 "She really _is_ a lunatic." Irma thought.  "Wonder if I can use any of this 
to get her to do Cye's little chore."
 
Terry:
 
Adara looked around the room, and suddenly pulled off her face, revealing a 
hideous lizard visage! The others in the room did likewise. "Ahhh, it feels 
good to return to my true form," she hissed, flicking a snakelike tongue. 
"How goes the plan to blow up the federal building?"
 
One of the others smiled, in a hideous lizard way. "It's already done. Even 
as we speak the bombs should be going off."
 
Irma stared in horror, and slowly backed away. In the distance, she heard a 
rumble, and a flash came through the window. "Um... Guy? I think I'm done, I 
guess. Can I just leave and be a demon now?"
 
Tarka:
 
Irma ran from the building and drifted over to a favorate hiding place for 
damons... the local pub. She materialized enough to keep people away and get 
the bartender to notice her. "Bloodly Mary and make it a double."
 
Soon the drink was in front of her and the bartender couldn't seem to really 
look at her. that was all fine and dandy. She browed over the happenings from 
this night so far... nothing made sense. Nothing. That damn dare... then the 
money... and everything.. She needed time to think so she looked into the red 
bloody mess of her tomato drink.
 
An awed voice came from next to her. "My dear and most wonderful Irma... I 
think that I have fallen in love with you." Guy Fawkes was sitting next to 
her. This time looking far more human as he partly materialized in the bar as 
well. "Bloody Mary... and make it a triple keep." He tossd half and eight 
onto the table and looked back to Irma. 
 
"Hello Guy. I did as you asked." A little white lie could get her far on this 
plane she thinks to herself.
 
Adara-by_Hershey:
 
"Not good enough, my dear," said Fawkes, smiling a little, "And I like the 
part about adding Carlos and Mr. Icon into the equation; nice touch, my dear. 
You would make a splended demon.  I'm almost tempted to leave you as a demon 
and not offer to give you help at all, even if it does benefit me."  "No, 
please" cried Irma, "No."  Again, the Guy-Devil chuckled, "If I have my way, 
you'll be seeing a different tune, eventually."  At this juncture Fawkes' 
Bloody Mary arrived, and he grasped it from the bartender. "Well, I'll be seing 
you, my little Irma.  And remember: I'm watching you." and with that, Guy 
Fawkes dissapeared almost as quickly as he had materialized.
 
Irma suddenly caught sight of Adara, sneaking in to the bar. "Shit, what's 
that slut doing here?"  but Irma's question was soon answered.  Irma watched 
as Adara moved gracefully to the back of the room, chatting with her friends 
as though nothing had happened.  As Irma turned away to grasp her Bloody 
Mary, she caught sight of something outside of the door to the bar.  The 
doors burst open, and...
 
Carlos:
 
...Fire.  Laser fire.  The horrid screeching of inhuman creatures, and 
then... nothing.
 
Two miles away, Agent Terry Jones, codename "Carlos", grinned in satisfaction.-
  It had all been too easy. True, the loss of Irma was sad, but being a three 
week old humanoid with imprinted memories, he had not gotten too attached to 
her.  Adara, on the other hand, was an entirely different matter.  Who would 
have thought that a genocidal reptile monster could give so much meaning to 
his life?  It was times like this that he understood why they only sent the 
best men on this mission.  Of course, the thought that the only reason they 
had sent him was because no one else was desperate enough for a promotion to 
touch Adara with a ten foot pole never crossed his mind.  No, Terry was too 
busy praising his acting skills, and his nimble fingers.  Who else could have 
placed that microphone in Adara's clothes so carefully? I mean, it sounds 
easy.  Maybe anybody could have done it.  Okay, yeah, it hadn't been that 
difficult.  But what about the emotional burden envolved?!?!  And, jeez!  
When was the agency gonna bot
-her getting him out of this cell, anyway?
 
Terry:
 
In the bar, Agent J and Agent Q held their 'chirping crickets' in the ready 
position, and scanned the remains of the customers. Only two were in one 
piece -- they must be the ghosts, flash-blinded and deafened from the 
explosions all around them. "That's Guy Falkes, all right. Don't be fooled by 
the horns, see that cold look in his eyes? I knew he had to be behind this 
mess."
 
The other man in black nodded. "It's a pity he was able to put up so much of 
a fight." He turned his gun on his partner, blew off the startled human's 
head, then removed his mask, revealing a lizard visage. He walked over to the 
still stunned ghosts. "I'm afraid you know too much to let you go to hell. 
I'm calling the mothership."
 
The massive 'Grinning Cherub', mothership of the lizard people, landed in the 
wreckage of the Federal building, and the lizards began climbing on. But they 
didn't notice the large, ticking backpack worn by the last lizard in...
 
Tarka:
 
"There is a time and place for everything Agent Terry and you blew it! The 
lizard man army is all over the country... the army is on the run and the 
bloody americans are holed up in their bases talking over weather this is an 
internal civil war or not. You Terry... blew it!
 
Terry looked at his boss and sighed... just an hour before he was thinking of 
how well he did... he saluted and then turned on his heal and left. He 
thought to himself as he left... my best bet is to fall on my own sword.. He 
went to his office and sat down... then a cold hand touched his. He looked up 
into the face of his 'temp' sister Irma.
 
"Hello 'brother' you pig junky. I can help you..." Irma's new horns were 
still wet and blood from where they pushed out of her forhead. She smiled 
quietly and inside... she felt joy at the cunning look in Terry's eyes... she 
had him.
 
Adara-by_Hershey:
 
Terry quivered in fear.  An evil, passionate Irma with hate in her heart was 
not what he had wanted to encounter.  But Terry was saved....by the most 
unliked of creatures
 
 Mort Icon walked through the door.  He wasn't very bright, and hadn't 
noticed anything unusual going on.  In fact, he didn't even notice Adara.  
"Evening, Terry" he cried, in his usually happy manner.  Then he stopped, and 
put his hand under his hair to itch his scalp....wait....UNDER?  Adara did a 
double take.  Mort had just pulled his hair off, to reveal a beautiful head 
of long, blond hair. "Geeze, am I ever tired of this disguise." Mort said to 
Terry.  "Hope you don't mind if I take the rest off, do you?" Mort didn't 
wait for an answer.  Unzipping his suit and tossing it aside, Adara saw the 
most shocking thing; something she had never thought possible.  Mr. Icon was 
wearing a DRESS!  Moreover, Mr. Icon has BREASTS! "I don't think it was fair 
for me to have to flip a coin to get this job.  I mean, getting the sex 
change on the lower half of my body was just hell..."
"and please, Terry; in private, call me by my real name....Ms. Morticia Icon!"
 
Carlos:
 
Seeing Irma distracted, Terry made a desperate dash for the proton packs the 
agency kept stashed in the corner.  "See you in Heck, protoplasmic sibling!" 
he cried, as he pulled the trigger.  Irma gasped, as the energy flow 
enveloped her, effectively trapping her.
"Morticia! Quick!" Terry cried.  "Spring the trap!"
 
"Sure.  It make take me awhile, though.  The agency stored those at the other 
side of the building."
"What!?  But this thing's only got fifty seconds' worth of power left!"
 
Morticia stopped to think about it.  "Well, Agent Butterfluff usedta be a 
televangelist.  Maybe he can do a quick exorcism.  That ought to be enough, 
maybe."
 
Terry:
 
The immensely fat Butterfluff burst through the back wall of the office, 
wearing his colorful tights again, to set off his white collar. "Someone 
called for the POWER of the LORD?" He posed, his rippling belly knocking 
Morticia to the ground.
Terry screamed, "JUST CAST THE SPELL!"
 
"YEEEHAH!" Butterfluff screamed, joyously, "In the NAME of all that's HOLY, 
and by the POWER of this here DEMON trapped and bound, I call upon the ANGEL 
OF DEATH to come down to earth and destroy all that live!"
 
Terry's gun cut off. Irma looked at him, confused, and Butterfluff looked 
back, innocently. "Wait -- you wanted me to start the apocalypse, right?"
 
Outside, the screams of the dying rose in a great chorus of agony, and Guy 
Fawkes held his head in his hands, and giggled.
 
Tarka:
 
Irma looked around at the devistated city while Guy was rolling around on the 
ground next to her... Terry was still sitting behind his desk... somehow 
everything about him was distroyed but his desk and chair survived with him 
in it. She grinned and bowed.. "I'm so glad to have been of service. Your 
boss will never bother you again and all records of your mistakes are gone. 
That and you single handedly stoped the alian invastion of earth!" He grabbed 
Guy and ran off before he could do more then stare. 
 
Guy turned back into his mostly human looking form and was just looking at 
Irma with aw... "Oh by the devil Irma... your fantastic." She turned around 
and grabbed him by the tie.
 
"I know it sweet thing... lets make out and selebrate the distruction of all 
human life."
 
"Gladly sweet cheeks!"
 
Carlos:
 
Agent Terry looked unbelievingly at the devastation before him.  "You 
destroyed all life on this planet!" he cried at Agent Butterfluff.  "Why 
would you do that?"
 
"I'm sorry, Terry.  I was just doing my duty, as a servant of the Lord.  Of 
the alien Overlord, that is!" cackled Agent Butterfluff, ripping off its 
human mask, revealing its foul lizard face!
 
The creature laughed at Terry's stunned face.  "Foolish human!  Now that this 
planet has been stripped of all its pesky life forms, my race will reign 
supreme, and I will be known as the greatest champion of our history!"
 
"Oh no, you won't!" Agent Terry cried, reaching for his hidden gun.  "You 
will never enjoy the fruits of your horrid machinations!" he exclaimed, as he 
lasered the foul beast into oblivion.  Standing triumphant before his fallen 
foe, Agent Terry removed his own human mask.  "It will be _I_ who enjoys the 
honor of being the conqueror of Earth!  Employee of the Month!"
 
Terry:
 
Morticia stood up, and pulled off her own mask. "I guess this would be a bad 
time to mention that the invasion was called off by our glorious leader, 
since with Irma's death we'd succeeded in assassinating the last living 
human? And that Butterfluff's unauthorized airstrike killed off 6 billion 
highly trained infiltration experts? And that the only reason the three of us 
lived through it was that he signalled for the area around his own life signs 
to be spared from the death rays?"
Terry stared at Morticia. "Er... life signs? But he's dead."
And then they died.