Red Tape of My Life

Tarka:

<Once upon a time in a far away land there was a great struggle over what section B3 of book 10, chapter 73 meant. The story does not start there though. It starts with this land's knight... who, by the way, was properly registered as a knight. The rules on getting proper registration as a knight can be found in subsection 8, chapter 67, of book 12. On the day that this story begins.....>

Dean Kaldak sat upon his horse proudly with all of his armor on. He had everything that he needed for the rescue. Sword, lance, and his lawyer's pager number. Up in that cave there was a damsel and a Dragon! So he leaped off his horse and marched to the cave! "Hear me, oh Dragon so powerful! I am here to save the fair maiden!"

Louis Thunderstorm got up from his rock bed and stomped to the cave mouth and spread his wings wide! "I am Thunderstorm of the clan Thunderstorm!" Louis put his wings back at his side. "Now may I see your papers? My registration is over to your right. Carved into that rock there."

By Cassie

Dean put away his sword. "Oh of course you may see my papers." The knight placed his down on the ground where Louis could see them, then walked over to take a look at the Dragons papers. He nodded. They were all in order. "Do my papers meet all of your needs, Dragon?"

Louis nodded. "They do, knight. There is one problem though. I ate the damsel already." The dragon pulled a bit of pink dress out from between his teeth.

Dean gasped! "That is not covered in the rule book! Not at all!"

Louis nodded saddly. "Oh, I was just so hungry right then. I guess this means that we are going to have to get one of those lawyers to figure it out." No sooner than he said this, there was a pop between the knight and dragon... a little red man in a suit popped into existence! He was only two feet tall and had a pointed tail... dripping with ink.

Dave Boring looked around. "I heard my name called! What is it that you mortals need?" With that he pulled out a notebook and started to look around. "Okee Otter!... Bring me my papers!"

Out of the woods waddled an otter. He was carrying a ton of paperwork and not doing too well with the stacks of paper. Before he got to the lawyer, he tripped and the paperwork went flying all over. Dave grabbed one right out of the air. "Ah... we are lucky. The first rule! "Diamonds and flowers do not last... but red tape is forever!"

Okee blinked and dug his way out of the pile of papers. "Oh boss. What paper did you want?" Just as he said these last words, the ghost of Miss Stipple, the one time maiden, faded in next to the otter. She looked pissed.

Zanahn:

By Cassie

There was general confusion as the ghost appeard - "M-Miss Stipple? I thought the dragon got you?"

Angie Stipple nodded frustratedly. "Broke near every rule in the book." She pulled a tiny handbook from behind one of the rocks of the cave and flipped to the right page, quoting: "The dragon shall not eat the damsel without proper notification of the hero (as defined in rule 32, subparagraph [y]). What we need," she added, "is a retake." Angie brushed off the white face powder and canceled the holo-projection program that made her appear ghostly.

"Okay, ...I'll stand behind this rock here. Louis, don't blow your lines this time. Let's not have to call in the lawyer-processes again. Those things give me the creeps - who programmed those, anyway?"

Tiana:

"You can't do that!" exclaimed Dave. "Rules are rules. The dragon ate you and now he has to go through the proper paperwork."

Angie crossed her arms and glared at the lawyer, "I refuse to remain eaten. Retakes are allowed, and there's no way I'm going to sit in Limbo twiddling my thumbs while you three throw paperwork at one another."

"But the regulations --"

She picked up the book again. "According to rule 452 section 36A paragraph B: In the presence of less than 7 individuals, not more than 3 of whom are dragons and/or lawyers, Form 37C may be waived in favor of a proper re-enactment of the event in question."

"She's right," said Dave, "And what's more, if we don't do a retake, Louis could have his damsel-capturing papers revoked -- something I would not like to see happen, considering the quality of his work."

The dragon sighed, shamefaced. "This is the first time I've eaten an unregistered damsel. It won't happen again."

The lawyer looked around at the faces of the others, then realizing this was one case he couldn't win, turned around angrily. "Come along Okee. We have _other_ cases to take care of."

Lillieth:

Okee scrambled around trying to pick up all of Dave's papers that had fallen here and there. "Okeeee, Dave... jus give me a little minute here." He bent down to grab a paper or two near Angie's feet "Scuse me, Miss Stipple, marm."

Angie nodded and went back over to the stake the villagers had fastened her to earlier. "Certainly... won't do to have all these papers laying about. Might make Louis forget his lines again."

Louis blushed at that and hung his head "Geez, a guy makes one little mistake and nobody will let him live it down." He shuffled his feet and went back into his cave to wait for his cue.

The Knight looked around for a place to wait for his scene, then walked off behind some big boulders as Okee picked up the last of the papers and ran off after Dave.

WalksFar:

Shortly all was quiet again. The area before the lair was cleared of litter and the ground brushed free of footprints by a host of pixies bearing booms and brushes. All evidence was removed and the area left pristine.

Angie took her place against the stake and looked around exasperated. "Wait! I'm untied!" A fox wearing a dirty t-shirt, baggy jeans and baseball cap walked up behind Angie and tied her hands securely to the post. He puffed on his cheap stogie and eyed her appraisingly. "Better?"

Angie pulled on the ropes. "Darn sight better than last time!"

The fox glared at Angie, blew a cloud of smoke her way and stormed off muttering . . . "darned maidens all think they're special . . ."

Angie screamed. "Save me! Help! Help! Save me!"

Louis roared as he heard his cue and rushed from his lair, fiery and loud. The knight appeared on schedule and rushed forward as Louis cut the ropes and made off with Miss Angie Stipple. The knight followed gamely up the steep slope toward the lair entrance.

"Never fear, I will rescue you, fair maiden!" The knight shouted mightily. Louis appeared at the lair entrance, Angie in his hands. He roared, glanced over his shoulders once to check his lines, then charged out of the lair. the knight charged, spear leveled for a strike . . .

"OOOWWW!!" Louis hopped to one side and rubbed his side. "Do I have to lose again?"

The knight hesitated. "It's in the rules. I rescue the maiden and you die!"

Louis shrugged, set Angie aside and roared.

The knight charged again, made a thrust and drew blood. Louis winced and leaped back.

"Die foul fiend!" The knight tossed his spear aside and drew his mighty sword. "Off with your HEAD!"

Louis leaped atop a rock and glared down at him. "WHAT?

"Off with your head," repeated the knight. "It's in the script."

Louis leaped from the rock and slipped into his lair. Silence followed, then the sounds of growled curses, and out and out cussing. Louis appeared at the entrance of the lair.

"I've been killed by you a dozen times. No one said anything about cutting off my head this time. Decapitation is where I draw the line, screw this. I'm going home!"

With that Louis ducked inside his lair and rolled a rock across its entrance and lodged it tightly into place.

The knight blinked with shock. He glanced at Miss Stipple, who stood, unharmed, totally outraged at not being properly rescued.

Chit:

Miss Stipple was livid. "This an outrage! I sign up for a standard damsel contract and get *Devoured* -- not just killed, eaten alive! And *then* the dragon gets a hissy fit and goes off to sulk. Where is that --"

The knight clamped a gauntletted paw over Miss Stipples' muzzle. "Don't call for the -- for them just yet. Louis is a professional dragon, I've known him for years. There must be some explanation."

"He's a burnout," the damsel snapped, tossing her head-fur.

"Just wait here, and don't say anything that all of us will regret, Okay? I'm going to get to the bottom of this."

Dean activated a device on his armor and faded to semi-transparency. Walking into the cave through the rock, he tried to think of what in the world could be wrong with Louis today.

Ami:

Louis sighed, and flopped down on his stone ledge, draping an arm over his head, and reaching for a bottle of painkillers. A jumble of dark thoughts screamed through his mind, each vying for him to brood over. The one that caught his attention first and foremost was 'Why did I agree to clean *EVERYTHING* out of this cave...?' "I mean, it IS my home..." he mumbled to himself, rubbing the back of his head, and squirming to get more comfortable on the slab of rock.

"Well, you DID say that this was an important client..."

Louis blinked, and snapped his head around, drawing blood from the side of his muzzle on the sharp edge of the rock. Another round of cursing ensued, as Dean patiently waited, leaning against the giant boulder of a door.

Louis sighed, rubbing at the gash in his muzzle. The bleeding had mostly stopped, but he knew he'd have to get it knitted sooner or later. "What are you doing in here...?" He chuckled, sounding forced. "It's not in the script."

"I simply wanted to know what got into you today, Louis. You've been turning tail on the customers lately." Dean leaned forward, and sighed, rattling his tail under the armor. He shrugged, and gave up, letting it collapse back into it's housing on his hip. "Louis, you're forgetting your lines, you're turning tail, ...the last one complained that you didn't even brush before you ate her... What's going on?"

Louis drew himself up to his full height, consequentially slamming his head on the ceiling. "Agh..!" He sighed, then flumped onto his slab, surveying all he could see... which wasn't much. "You tell me. It was YOUR screwy idea to quit the office, set all this up... Gah." He sighed, and pressed a hand against the gash in his side, wincing a little. "Dammit, you were supposed to get that lance-sword-wound-burn-projector thingamabob fixed yesterday! You didn't tell me you were using a real lance!"

Tarka:

Dean Kaldak huffed... "You should have read the script... this client wanted everything to be real... right down to the lance and sword!" Dean shook his head and looked up at the roof... "Look Louis. We have been in this business for what... fifteen years now? Do you really want to get out of it now?"

Louis looked at his friend and thought about that for a bit... "No.... It is not that I want to get out.. it is just that I am so tired of this. Replaying history is all fine and dandy but gee... can't we do more? One of my friends works at McDs! Cooks 500 hamburgers at once! All without once burning a one. He is a real draw you know. All the kids love him. Me though... we work for maybe one person at a time."

Dean nodded and grinned... "Oh... I have an idea... "Hey Okee! Can you bring in that paperwork for the Smith account?"

Okee came waddling in through a wall and happily ran on over... tripping again and letting the Smith papers fly out and settle in a pile around Dean. "Okeee.... here be the papers, Mr Dean Boss."

Zanahn:

"Good, thank you, Okee. You may go."

Okee gathered up the fallen papers (leaving the Smith account), gave a sharp salute, and sped off to wherever he stayed while inactive. Dean pored over the Smith account with a total lack of interest. "Louis, you remember this client, yes?"

Louis craned his neck downward to look at the papers - "Oh yeah, her... She was the lizard, right? The one who kept trying to make out with me? Gads, that was awful..."

Dean chuckled softly - "Yeah... That was fifteen years ago - it was our second job ever."

"So why're you bringing that old thing up now?"

"Louis, you and I have been letting people live out their fantasies for fifteen years."

"Yeah, so?"

"Look, I know how you feel. I feel it too... We're getting old, Louis, and the world is changing. Fifteen years ago, our stuff was state of the art, but now any old Joe with the right computer and a couple of bucks can do it themselves."

The dragon nodded. "Yeah, tell me about it. When did all that paperwork come in, anyway?"

Dean chuckled - "It came in when this business of ours became an industry. And that was when it started to decline. You felt it, right?"

"Yeah. And now what?"

Dean shrugged. "Look, is this what's been troubling you? The prospect of being out of work?"

The dragon looked thoughtful for a second - "Come to think of it - yeah. I mean, what other jobs are there out there for a dragon? I mean, a _real_ dragon. Like me."

"Let me rephrase that, Louis... What jobs are there out there for a dragon and an aging wolf who ought to know better than to be an actor?" Dean looked at the Smith papers again. "We had some good times, though."

"Speak for yourself."

"Oh? You remember the look on that one kid's face when we played his birthday party?"

"Who, the chipmunk? The one who went table diving?"

The two shared a laugh... And Angie, still tied up, couldn't help but wonder what the holdup was.

"HEEELP!"

"Whoops - gotta run, got a part to play. See you soon, Louis?"

"Hey, Dean?"

"Hm?"

"Could you let me win this time? Just this once? I promise not to eat her..."

Dean couldn't help but wonder what the dragon was planning, but shrugged - "Go for it."

"Great!" The dragon paused. "Action!"

Tiana:

Dean waited, spear in hand. Angie, still slightly annoyed, leaned against the stake. Slowly - melodramatically, Dean couldn't help thinking - the boulder rolled away from the entrance. The dragon stepped out and glared, "Who dares challenge me, Louis of the clan of Thundercloud?"

"I, Dean Kaldak, knight of the realm, have come to rescue this fair maiden from your evil clutches."

"Oh you have, have you? Then raise your shield Sir Kaldak for I will burn you to toast."

Dean winced slightly, hoping Louis didn't get carried away, actor or not, he _was_ a real dragon. He raised his sword and charged.

From her post at the stake, Angie saw the two collide. The dragon roared and lashed his claws, hiding his enemy in a burst of flame. The knight rallied for a second attack. He charged - and was knocked off his electric steed. Angie gasped, these special effects were really something. She waited for Dean to get up again. And waited. Louis looked down at the still, prone figure, then nudged it slightly. Nothing. He turned away and walked towards Angie. "It would seem, my fair damsel, that your hero has met his end."

"What?!?" exclaimed Angie, "But he was supposed to win!" Suddenly this charade seemed a bit *too* real.

Lillieth:

Angie looked down nervously at Dean and then back up to the dragon, "Wh... what are you going to do?" She began to struggle pulling at the ties around her wrists with a panicky expression on her pretty face. She tried to hide behind the stake as Louis came closer.

Louis chuckled evilly and approached his prey, "Hiding behind that stick won't help, m'lady." Angie watched the dragon. Suddenly she started screaming "Hellllllllp!!!! Somebody save me!!!" Louis reached up and lifted her bound wrists up and off the hook on the stake. He swept Angie up into his arms and threw her over his shoulder laughing. She began beating on his back with her bound hands.

"Let me go!! You beast! Okee! Dave! Oh Dean... wake up you great fool."

Okee came running up with his ever present messy pile of papers. Reaching to catch a couple of them as they began to fly off, he stumbled and fell against the back of Louis' knees. Louis meeped as he began to fall and was unable to catch himself. He collapsed to the floor, dumping Miss Stipple unceremoniously in a heap on the ground.

WalksFar:

"I didn't pay for this! I paid for a rescue! I paid to be rescued by a knight in shining armor. OKEE! Where is my contract?"

Okee shuffled through the papers searching for the right paper. "Someplace someplace. . . ." Okee held up the paper and carried it to Miss Stipple who, after chewing the ropes off her wrists, grabbed the paper. She held it close to her face and scanned it, red-eyed with anger.

Louis rolled and sat up, feeling worse than ever. "This is unheard of!" Angie Stipple rose to her feet, a frustrated apparition in pink. "You cheated me out of my rescue!"

"I did?" Louis collected his thoughts. "What does it say about the rescue?"

"Right here, paragraph 6, line 7! It says I am entitled to a rescue!" Angie shoved the contract into Louis' face.

Louis took the contract, scanned it quickly then looked over the contract with narrowed eyes and grinned. "It doesn't say WHO rescues WHO!" He grabbed Angie and leaped skyward, leaving a stunned Okee and a prone Dean on the ground.

Angie shrieked. "MURDERER! MURDERER!"

"Who? Dean? Out cold, maybe, but certainly not dead. As to the rescue, I HAVE rescued you from HIM! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA. . . ."

Angie gulped. "I don't wanna be rescued by you. I payed for HIM to rescue me!" she screeched again.

Louis flew higher while Angie struggled and quoted rules, verse by verse, section by section, line by line. He folded his ears down to shut her out... to no avail. It had to end. He finally got to win, but for what ...this screeching never-to-be-satisfied customer? "Even when I win, I LOSE!" Abruptly, Louis broke into a dive to swoop low over the land. timing was everything. . . .

"All right, you want a rescue by him, not me. You paid for it! Hope you like the outcome!" At the right moment, Louis arched his wings and slowed to a painful stall. "Bye-bye!" he grinned and released Angie whose eyes bulged with the realization that she was still high over the land below, then fell, shrieking.

"SPLOOK!" Angie bobbed to the surface of the black-mud swamp slimy and wet. This was the last straw! "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!!"

Chit:

In a puff of noxious smoke, the demon lawyer appeared. "Hiya, babe. You know, I think you might have a case, if you're willing to retain my services." He chewed on a pen. "It's not *quite* so cut and dried, though. You paid to be abducted, tied to a post, to watch a knight and dragon engage in mortal combat, and to be rescued. And since Mr. Shining Armor is on his way here to lead you out of the swamp..."

Angie sat in the swamp, somewhat in shock. Her clothes were ruined! And the *stench*! "I can't let them get away with this!" She snarled, struggling to pull herself to her feet. Every motion threatened to push her deeper into the sucking mud.

"Well," Dave said, scribbling on a piece of paper with his tail, "There *is* one way to cause a clear-cut contract violation. This can't end until you're rescued, you see..."

"Fair Maiden!" came the knight's voice from the edge of the swamp, "DO not fear! I'm on my way! Just keep calm, I think the dragon's gone..."

Angie looked at the Demon. "What do I have to do?"

Dave Boring held out the finished contract, ink still wet. "Just sign here, miss. There are several rules against plot-stacking, so the fine print at the bottom is a waiver of several of your rights..."

Angie grabbed the pen and signed with a flourish. The demon grinned and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Dean struggled through the swamp. If he could just reach Angie and get her out of this, this fiasco would finally be over and he could have a talk with Louis. A long talk. "There you are!" he called, seeing the fair damsel, not so fair, covered in muck and filth. And looking rather *smug* for a damsel in distress. "Come with -- what the !?"

Tarka:

Angie Stipple watched the mighty knight get a look of astonishment on his face as she lifted up off of the ground and started to float in midair over the swamp to the edge.. "Ha... I don't need you to rescue me anymore! I found my own way out now!

Dean Kaldak watched and frowned... that was not part of the main programing or anything..... wait... he checked the readouts... "Ah, shit... Dave is in on this again!

Louis settled down on his rocky bed and sighed... what a long, icky day. He was about to go to sleep and stay that way for a few weeks when Dave popped up next to him.. "Okee! Bring me my papers!" Louis looked at Dave and frowned..

"Go away Dave. Now. I don't want you here."

Dave held up his little chin and sniffed. "We have a contract breach that is just in need of being settled..

Okee ran into the room this time carrying Daves papers... he was getting sick of this... Okee do this... Okee do this... Hummmmm he started to read one of the Demons' newer contracts and cocked his head. Who would be dumb enough to sign away their soul. Ah... Miss Stipple.

Okee saw a nice rock on the floor and managed to steer to it, and trip over it right before he got to Dave... he snatched his own Contract out of the air "Okeee here.... tiss your papers!" He turned around and ran off as usual.

Dave gave Louis the evil eye and and started to look through his papers... "Now where is that contract....."

Zanahn:

Meanwhile, back in the swamp, Dean was chasing Angie back to safety, he on foot, she in the air.

"Wait up! You don't know what you're getting into...!"

Angie flicked her tail and didn't even glance at Dean. "Yes I do. I'm getting out of here."

"No! Wait! You signed a contract with Dave, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. So?"

Dean shook his head, trying to get back 'in character' despite the stress. "Then thou are - er, art - lost for sure!"

"Ha."

"Maiden, come down this instant!"

The two were nearly to the edge of the swamp now; Angie began to descend.

Dean called up - "When you signed that contract" - pant - "did Dave mention anything" - wheeze - "about fine print?"

Angie shrugged, hovering ten feet off the ground. "Maybe, I think so. I wasn't really paying attention, my mind being on more important matters. Like my dress." Angie tailflicked again.

"I knew it. You waived your rights away, didn't you?"

"And what if I did?"

"It means that anything that happens to you is, essentially, your own fault. Yours alone."

Angie thought a moment. "And? How does that apply now?"

"It means I no longer need to rescue you." Dean leaned on his sword, making a show of doing nothing.

Angie floated downward, landing on the ground next to Dean. "What do you mean?"

Dave whistled idly, pretending not to listen.

Angie harrumphed. "That does it. I'm asking for a refund. DAAAVE!"

Dave appeared in a cloud of inky smoke next to Angie - "You know, I don't appreciate being interrupted in the middle of a conversation... Now, what is it?"

"I want a refund."

"Oh, dear. Tsk, tsk... You waived that right."

Dean sat back on his sword, smiling silently, watching the scene.

"I what?"

"When you signed the contract. You can't ask for a refund - it's all in the fine print."

"So what do I do?"

"You stay here until you get rescued by the knight, as per your agreement. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dragon to get back to. Good day." And he was gone.

Dean scabbarded his sword and headed off. "Farewell, maiden!"

"Wait - you can't leave me here! You need to rescue me or else I won't be able to - "

But Dean wasn't listening. His lance was slung over his shoulder, and he was calmly sauntering down the path.

Tiana:

"Louis! Good news!," exclaimed Dean. "We're finally rid of that -- What do you want *now*, Dave?" Dean stopped in the entrance to the cave, looking at the lawyer seated next to the dragon.

"Why, Dean, you're just in time." Dave grinned, in what Dean assumed was intended as a friendly manner. "Your partner and I were just discussing a few minor details of Miss Stipple's original rescue contract."

"The original?" Dean chuckled. "I have the feeling it's the most recent contract Princess Angie should be worried about."

"Miss Stipple's current worries are not my own, sir. As her hired lawyer," here he flourished the latest signed paper, "I have come to speak to you about your own breach in the contract which she signed in good faith."

"Breach? Dave have you finally lost it?" Dean looked at Louis, but the latter only shrugged and handed him the paper. "Section 35, Article 7, paragraph B-4. I'm afraid he's got us cornered, Dean."

"Section 35, article 7 paragraph B-4: 'The above signed individual is guaranteed a full' -- and might I add emphasis to that word -- 'rescue complete with dragon and knight.'" Dave rattled the quote off in a tinny monotone. "Which you, my good sirs, have not provided her."

"What do you mean? She waived that right when she signed your contract!"

"Oh no no no no no no. I'm not such an incompetent lawyer as all that. That was the one right she did *not* waive. She no longer has the right to a refund, but she is still guaranteed a rescue."

"Dean?" Louis took his friend aside, "remember that conversation we had about quitting the business?"

Dean nodded, "Would your burger-flipping friend be willing to hire an old wolf to cook the french-fries? Assuming we ever get out of this..."

"Gentlemen," Dean's tinny voice grated on their ears. "Planning for the future is all very nice, but I believe you have a rescue to complete."

WalksFar:

Dean smirked evilly. "she rescued herself." He took the contract from Dave and shook it in Dave's face. "We no longer have a valid contract. Your interference and your NEW contract made ours null and void. Read the fine print!

Dave shook his head and smiled indulgently. "No way. I'm not that incompetent." Dean turned to Louis. "You rescued her from me, right?'

Louis nodded and sniffled. "I think I'm getting a cold."

Dean winced. "That was all he needed."

Dave held out the original contract and read it over. "According to section 44, paragraph 6, line 5, the rescue must be satisfactory to the customer and THAT was certainly not the case."

Dean waved the new contract in Dave's face. "She has no right to a rescue. you assured that when you took her rights! I don't care what you think. SAM!!"

An elf popped into view and landed between them.

"Who's this?" Dave eyed the elf suspiciously.

"Sam . . . Sam Boulregard . . . attorney at Law. What is it Dean? Dean held the new contract to Sam who took it, lowered his glasses over his eyes and scanned it. He frowned, held out his hand to Dave. "The original, please. . . ." Dave handed the original contract to Sam who snatched it away. "Hmm. . . ." "Clause c negates clause a. Section 44 is no longer viable on the new contract . . . nor is section 6 of the old contract . . . Hmm . . . stalemate!"

Dave flushed crimson. "Ooo! You aren't getting away with this! OKEE!! Bring all MY PAPERS!"

Okee appeared with a stack of papers and ran trippingly across the floor.

"When I get done with you . . ." Dave turned to meet Okee who stumbled and fell. Papers flew upward in all directions.

At that moment the air turned yellow bright. Searing heat caught everyone off guard. The smell of singed hair, fur, and clothes assaulted nostrils of all present.

"AAAAAARGH!!" Dave stared at the burnt shard of paper in his hands while smoke drifted up around his face from his clothes. Ashes and burning embers of paper drifted down in all directions. Sam glared back at Louis who had just sneezed and who was now blowing his nose.

Dean pushed his visor back and let the heat out of his armor. He panted and fanned himself.

Okee stood and brushed off his smouldering fur. He grimaced at Louis who grinned sheepishly. "Sorry . . . I . . . have a cold."

Sam turned indignantly to Dave. "Now look what you caused! Everything's gone! My court case . . . all the contracts of a hundred different clients and for WHAT? One lousy rescue? IDIOT!

"Hah! I lost a new client and a soul!"

"FEH!" Sam snorted.

Dean turned to Louis. "Care to flip a few burgers?"

Louis smiled. "You ready to cook fries?"

Dean nodded.

"ALL RIGHT, WHO IS GONNA PAY FOR THIS?"

All eyes focused on the lair's entrance. The trollish figure of Angela Stimple hunkered in the opening, black with mud, foul of stench. "THIS IS GONNA COST SOMEONE DEARLY! DAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVEEEEE! YOU'RE THE CAUSE OF THIS! JOEL!!"

A tall ringtail lemur in a double breasted gray suit appeared, valise in hands before him. "Yes, Miss Stimple?" he grinned.

Miss Stimple's face took on an expression of pure evil. She jerked a crooked finger at Dave. "SUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEE!!"

The lemur grinned broadly. "With pleasure, Miss Stimple."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGH!!" Dave vanished in a puff of smoke.

The lemur was faster, reached into the smoke and dragged a struggling Dave from his still open escape portal. "No, sir!" He slapped papers into Dave's hands. "Consider yourself served!" He laughed. "See you in court." He hesitated and jambed a thumb toward the lair entrance. "By the way, I had a little talk with your boss. I think he would like to see you. . . ."

At the lair's entrance, a puff of bright yellow haze appeared. A huge gnarly demon appeared. The odor of brimstone filled the air. "DAVE! COME . . . HERE!"

Dean slipped from his armor and climbed onto Louis's back. "I think it's gonna get REALLY hot around here in a few moments... Shall we?"

Louis nodded. He spread his wings, shot straight up into a portal that appeared in front of him, and was gone.

Dean blinked with awe as they flew high over the land below, far from the lair. "You never told me you could do that . . ."

"You never asked," Louis replied.

"Ya know . . . with that ability, we could . . ."

"Hamburgers, Dean. Hamburgers! Think hamburgers . . . ."

Louis winged across the darkening sky, Dean on his back. Hamburgers and fries filled his thoughts. . . .