Squeek!

Tarka:
 
Jim staggered out of the stars room... holding up his pants with one paw.... 
then looked at the other cast memmbers. "Call the network... the show will go 
on." He then stagged off to the bathroomt to clean up to the cheers of the 
other actors. He had done his duty and serviced miss mink.
 
Miss Mink bounded out of the room a few miniutes later, looking rather happy 
and fluffed out ready for the show.
 
Terry:
 
All of the gathered servicemen stared at her, of course, as she was naked... 
of course, dressed in the finest fur (living mink) and with the glow that 
only the personal attention of one of her handlers could draw out. She smiled 
at them, and headed for the stage, swinging her hips back and forth.
 
As she reached her place, she spoke in  calm, if sultry voice, "Bring the 
system online." The men turned back to their control consoles and started up 
the broadcast system, and the room came to life, lights illuminating her 
while the walls around her faded to show a view of the ongoing battle. 
"Network engaged!" one of them said at last, as the fire control computers 
synchronized with the rest of the fleet. "You can start when you're ready, 
miss!"
 
Tarka:
 
Miss Mink picked up her microphone and slipped up onto stage... overlooking 
the stars outside as 4 millian horny men tuned into their com systems. The 
fleet was inbound to sigma tie three. She breathed in... her fluffy little 
chest lifting... and she started to sing.
 
"In the Navy... In the Navy.... " The men all cheered... but little did they 
know the evil bugs were sneaking up behind them, the only thing on their 
little pea brains were cute little mink girls.
 
Terry:
 
But the bugs' wretched plan didn't matter -- while miss mink's singing might 
have had an effect on the fleet, they were safe inside the eye of the storm, 
as it were, and the bugs, as they approached, sailed right into the full 
force of the storm.
 
Chitinous hulls cracked as the sonic waves slammed against them, but that was 
only the beginning of their doom! As the proximity alarms went off, the men 
of the fleet noticed the approaching interlopers, and their rage and anger at 
having their concert interrupted was focused by the psychic lens each ship 
had mounted... and one by one the bug ships BURST INTO FLAMES.
 
Tarka:
 
The bugs diddn't knwo what hit them... as the undersexed american navy took 
out their rage on the bugs... "Damn you for ruinning the music! Take that! 
and that!" The poor bug fleet didn't stand a chance as they were swated out 
of the sky like flaming butterflys.
 
The bug commanded on their main fleet chittered at his subcommanders. "This 
has got to stop. We are looseing too many drones. Quick! Counter that horrid 
sound with the hive song!"
 
Terry:
 
Of the first wave of bugs, a thousand ships strong, only 217 survived to hear 
that order... but the *second* wave was intact, and in unison they stopped 
short of the zone of death and started to rub their wings together -- and the 
dreadful hive song began!
 
The first to die from the cacophanous screeching were the survivors of the 
first wave, but they died happy, listening to their favorite music -- and the 
wave pressed on, visible against the twilight as the air was distorted by its 
passing, bearing down on miss mink's flagship.
 
Tarka:
 
Long John Silver saw the wave comming.... and sreamed. "Up with the shield! 
Get the Adds playing! We can let the men forgot Miss Mink!
 
The holo adds appeared all over the fleet and miss mink opened up with a new 
number. Garden of Love.... when the wave hit the fleet only a few shipped 
were ripped appart by the hive song. But the men in them died happily.... and 
mostly to the tune of... "Garden of Lovvvvveeee..."
 
Terry:
 
At this point, both sides' alpha strikes had passed, and the battle was 
joined in earnest. Fluttery butterfly ships shot waves of death at the nimble 
weasel-destroyers and the stalwart wall of badgers. Miss mink, with skill 
born of long practice, coordinated her fleet, pacing her song to match rhythm 
with the insects' evasive patterns each time they changed, so that the beams 
of fury could shoot them down.
 
The adds assisted, connected and controlled by her subconscious and by 
advanced AI, allowing the fleet to act somewhat independantly even as they 
remained linked. The bugs tried again and again to take out the nexus of the 
mustelid fleet, but the men's love of their mink could not be penetrated by 
mere ships and sound waves -- and with her unharmed, their victory was 
assured.
 
Tarka:
 
The unity of scales watched from a distance, watching their bug allies waste 
their butterfly battleships and bettle armor against the fuzzy fleet. Their 
toothy jaws worked softly... "Let our 'allies' and the warm blooded filth 
weaken themselves. Then we will take them both out. Soon soon. The hissing 
song will be the only song in the universe.
 
Miss Mink sang her heart out.... sending forth the otter stickers... swimming 
deeply into the bug fleet to take out the juiciest ships with a quick 
broadside of needle sharp lasar beams. Finally... after centures of war the 
warmbloods... laughed at... laughed at by all the other peoples of the 
verse... would with thired rightfull place ont eh pop charts.
 
Terry:
 
The bugs soon broke formation and fled, and miss mink collapsed, exhausted, 
as the individual ships broke to attack. The full battlesong wouldn't be 
needed for the cleanup... although she stayed on the stage, watching, just in 
case this was a trick. Her handlers approached and started giving her back 
and bellyrubs, carefully, mindful that she might have to go back into action 
at any second.
 
Longjohn watched the tactical board carefully, wondering when the lizards 
would attack. It was his duty to report their presence, but he kept his mouth 
shut, and even took steps to keep anyone else from seeing them. Now was the 
perfect time to attack, he thought, do it now! Free us from this mind-controll-
ing bitch, even if it means our death!
 
Tarka:
 
The lizards fell onto the badget wall like ravanouse t-rexes... the badgers...-
 not expecting an attack right then turn slow in turnning around and taking 
on the new threat. More then half of them were wiped out before they could 
even put together a counter offensive.
 
Captain! Captain! Miss Mink! The lizards are attacking!
 
Miss Mink stood up again and looked out at her strage. "This tretury will 
never be forgiving! Time to sing... the march to cambrage!
 
"How many of them can we make Die!"
 
Terry:
 
Miss mink's anger inspired the fleet even more than the beauty of her earlier 
song, and with little reason or control her ships lashed out at anyone and 
anything in range... the lizards had never seen the mustelid fleet in such a 
state, no one had! And were utterly unprepared for it.
 
The badgers were horribly outnumbered, but that just meant that most of their 
unaimed beams hit lizards instead of other friendlies. The carnage was awful, 
and after their initial success, the untested lizard fleet got the worst of 
it... but they were fresh, and numerous, and too emotionless to panic, and 
while most of their fleet was destroyed, the badgers couldn't hope to win. 
One by one they went down, until only the minky flagship remained.
 
Tarka:
 
Miss mink looked over the carnage... the rest of the fleet to far away to 
help her as they were tracked down the dreags of the bug fleet. Then she 
smiled and patted her fluffy fur... there was one thing that the lizards 
didn't know... and it woudl be their doom.
 
Once, millions of years ago there was only one world, and one race of 
powerful being. Those creatured explored the universe, and discovered all 
that there was to discover. Only, mysteriously, they disappeared adn left 
long ago. Before they left though, they left the trash of their civilization 
behind. Luckly for the otters digging through one they found the very ship 
she was on. A warship of the the makers, and they never let things go half 
way.
 
Terry:
 
It was a big step to take, but it was truly now or never. "Captain," she 
said, "Initiate the Omega device." Her handlers cried and begged her to 
surrender instead, but she shook her head and pushed them away. "Do it, 
mister," she said, with a jaunty smile, showing one fang.
 
The captain froze. The lizards had paid him well to ensure that they won the 
battle... but if miss mink went through with this, it *would* be the end for 
her, and that was all he'd really wanted. So, after a moment's hesitation 
(that miss mink of course mistook for concern for her safety), he removed the 
plastic cover and pushed the big red button labeled 'Do Not Press'.
 
Tarka:
 
Instantly the distress beacken blared out over the metaverse waves... 
"Emergancy! Emergency! Nitwit know nothing furry things pressed the big red 
botton."
 
The sleeping fleet heard the call and woke. Listening to the story of the 
ship. They grinned and headed home.
 
Meanwhile miss mink looked at the approching lizard fleet and then frowned. 
"Captain... wasn't that supposed to do something?"
 
Terry:
 
Longjohn frowned, and glanced back at the tactical plot. He blinked as he saw 
what was coming -- a huge fleet of ships he'd never seen before. "I think... 
I think it summoned allies," he said. "They'll be here in... fifteen minutes."
 
Miss mink scowled. "Then we'll have to buy some time. Contact the leader of 
the lizards, and tell him we surrender."
 
"But he's a *cannibal*!" cried a junior officer, "He'll eat you for dinner!"
 
"He's a gormet cannibal," miss mink said, smiling, "It'll take him far longer 
than fifteen minutes just to gather all the necessary ingredients. I'll be 
fine -- as long as these friends we've summoned are as powerful as the 
legends say."
 
Tarka:
 
"Anyway, by then the otter scouts will be in range. He will have to be nice 
about it and civilized. Or the otters wouldn't take kindly too it at all.
 
So the weasal flag shipped signaled its surender to the ragged lizard fleet 
and their flagship came up to the side of the weasle dreadnought and docked. 
Lizard strom troupers headed to the bridge with the prime commander following 
behind with his royal lizard gaurd. Finally he arrived and looked over Miss 
Mink and smiled. "Ah my sweet. I see you have kept yourself fit just for our 
meeting. Sucullently sweet and still tender."
 
Long John silver stepped forward. "Sir! I think that we should talk." The 
lizard commander looked at Long John and frowned.
"Kill this one!
 
Miss Mink brushed a tear from her eye. The captain had tried to protect her. 
How sweet.
 
She put on her best sexy walk and went over to the commander. "Well sir. I am 
yours to do with as you wish. But please... please spair my crew. I will not 
strugle.
 
Terry:
 
The lizard captain looked back at her coldly. "Your crew will be spared, to 
serve as slaves in our raptor-ships," he hissed back, "You will order your 
remaining otters and weasels to stand down, and their crews as well can live 
as our slaves, until we get hungry."
 
Miss mink sighed, a long exaggerated sigh, and went back to the control 
stage. "Very well, I will give the orders, although it will take some time to 
gather the rest of the fleet." She gave him her best, most pitiful and cute 
pleading look. "Please, be gentle with us." But the lizard king was unmoved.
 
One blessing, though, was that there was no way that the lizards could 
understand the orders she was giving -- so she made sure that the orders she 
gave had the fleet arrive to 'stand down' at the same time as the incoming 
mysterious ships the omega device had summoned.
 
Tarka:
 
the lizard commander hissed. "Get me my pot! I will need carrots and 
potators,,, and salt!"
 
The other fleet just got closer and closes while the lizard held Miss Minks 
paw. "Come my dear. Today I'm going to have La fee daul mink. Its very 
delicate... and the mink has to be slowly broiled alive. It gives teh meat 
flavor. Does this suit you your honor?"
 
Miss mink quietly shivered. This creature was hiddious... but she played 
along. "Oh... I guess that does sound like an honorable way to go." The fleet 
would be here soon... in fact... they had arrived.
 
Terry:
 
The voice came like the thunder of an angry god, as the ships decloaked -- 
massive black boxes, they were, with circular speakers all aimed at the 
lizards, with miss mink's ship in the middle. "FOOLISH FURRY THINGS," it 
said, "YOU HAVE PUSHED THE BUTTON THAT WAS NEVER TO HAVE BEEN PUSHED!" Loud 
guitar music snarled behind the shouted words, minor keyed and angry, a heavy 
metal fleet hanging over the mink and lizards like the sword of damocles.
 
"THERE IS ONE QUESTION THAT WE SHALL ASK YOU," the voice sang -- a chorus 
now, of angry squeals. "YOUR ANSWER SHALL DETERMINE YOUR FATE." The guitar 
ended, the silence defeaning, and everyone waited to hear what would be 
asked, lizard and mammal alike.
 
Tarka:
 
The question is. "Does your chewing gum loose its flavor on the bedpost 
overnight?
 
The Mink, the Lizards, and the returneing otters were all stuned... "Wot the 
hell is chewing gum?" asked the otters. The lizards just hissed. Miss Mink 
just blinked, and the lizard commander realized he had been tricked. His only 
regreat is that he didn't get to eat mink.
 
Terry:
 
Apparently, the otter's response was not what the giant black fleet had been 
looking for, as with a snarl of guitar chords the otter darts were all 
transformed into large wads of pink, squishy material. The otters inside 
might have survived the process, but the transformed ships were too dense to 
float, and plummeted to their doom.
 
"LIZARD," the voice sang, "ANSWER NOW." The lizard didn't answer, and just 
hissed. "ARE YOU THERE, LIZARD? HELLO? ANYONE HOME?"
 
There was a pause, and then suddenly the lizards were all gone, just like 
that -- lizard king, ships, giant cooking pot and all. "I GUESS NOT. MUA HA 
HA HA HA HA! MINK! ANSWER!"
 
Miss mink smiled, and turned on her sex appeal, stepping back up onto the 
stage and looking up at the ships. She ground her hips, did a slinky little 
dance, and sang right back, "The answer is no! My bubblegum goes on *all 
night long*!"
 
There was loud sputtering and coughing from the black fleet, then, and the 
music stumbled and stopped, except of course for the constant bass line. 
"Um...," came a squeaky voice, then a cough. "UM, YOU HAVE ANSWERED ACCEPTABLY-
, AND WILL, ER, JOIN US FOREVER IN THE LAND OF THE GODS. beam her up. beam 
her up, steve! Now!"
 
With a flash of light, Miss mink vanished, and the black fleet retreated back 
into the mysterious distance.
 
Tarka:
 
"Miss Mink!" Cried out the last of the fuzzies. Then they looked around and 
blinks... her spell finally over.... and they all realized... that so many 
had died,,, and they couldn't even remeber why.