Roseanne Barr and the Haunted House of Horrors.

Adara:
 
It was pitch black by the time Tommy and Sally left the Halloween Party.  
Filled with candy and cheap beer, they stumbled their way down the darkened 
allyway.  Suddenly, Sally stopped dead in her tracks and pointed to a spooky, 
cobwebby building on their left.  "Look, look over there!  What's that 
hanging out of the old haunted..."
 
Butterfluff:
 
Tommy's hand grabbed her arm, pulling it down to her side. "Don't be silly," 
she protested. "No one's inside watching. And if they are, so what?" She 
wrenched her arm out of his grip and waved toward the house.
 
Tommy turned white -- not much of an improvement from the green he had been 
after too much candy and beer. He had grown up in this town, she hadn't. The 
local kids knew what would happen if you got Their attention.
 
Slug:
 
Those from outside the small town of Cloudsdale know this house as a harmless 
tourist trap.  You pay a small entrance fee, visit a campy Scooby-Doo themed 
haunted house, and then buy a lousy t-shirt.  There is one night, however, 
when nobody ever goes anywhere near that house.  Once long ago, a Sorcerer 
from a faraway land paid a terrible price for his...  
 
KevMan:
 
...his dark practices, and every year at the same time his resless soul roams 
the building, searching for releace.
 
Morticon:
 
Tommy sighed, "Really, we should try and get home.  The place is closed 
tonight."   But Sally was insistent, "I wanna go see!  And beside--- What was 
that?!"  Sally pointed at the house.  Indeed, it appeared as though a dark 
figure waved back to her from a second floor window.
 
Tommy got really scared now, "Sally, we HAVE to get going."  And he yanked 
her again.  But Sally, seemingly possesed, got free of his grasp, and ran 
torwards the house.  "I wanna see who that is!"  She yelled, gleefully.  
Tommy wondered if maybe Sally forgot to take her meds that night.
 
Adara:
 
Grumbling, Tommy started down the long, lonely path to the house, "Fine, 
fine, but let's get going".  They reached the door of the house, and Sally 
slowly turned the knob.  The old door creaked as it opened, and the sound of 
fluttery cretaures filled the room.  Suddenly, a black, hooded figure 
appeared in front of them.  It was transparent-looking, like a ghost, but 
when it took off it's hood, the two screamed in horror at the hideous and 
frightening sight, "OH MY GOD, IT'S ROSEANNE BARR!"  Shaking with fear, Tommy 
and Sally watched as another figure appeared before them and removed its 
hood.  But this creature was even more ugly and terrifying than Roseanne.  It 
was...
 
Butterfluff:
 
...not entirely human at all. Its skin was rubbery looking, perhaps even less 
resiliant than that. A soft surface that would not just dent if touched, but 
draw a finger in, and then the hand, the arm, absorbing... 
 
And not any skin tone seen here on earth, except in cyanosis. A pale, sickly 
blue.
 
Slug:
 
The sorcerer speaks... voice sounds hollow and echoes throughout the house... 
and the voice does not seem to be comming from the ugly zombie that Butterfluf-
f beutifully described.  "And now, Roseanne, now that my sacrifice has come 
knocking upon my door as I knew she would, you must pay for the spell I cast 
that made you famous."  Tommy and Sally are mesmerized and terrified of the 
sorcerer, and are so shocked that they fail to notice the door shut behind 
them and the landscape outside the windows change...
 
KevMan:
 
The kids stand horrafied as the world changes around them and the sight of 
Rosenne. The walls and windows decay as the area outside the building turns 
ing to a swirling black vortex, leaving the house floating on nothingness.
 
Tarka:
 
The creature with them laughs low and long as their eyes stair out at the 
almost featureless black expanse that is the void... with streaks of purple 
skipping accross it like tortured roses. Its starts to slowly spin around the 
house.
 
Sally screamed loudly as the house started to spin nad Tommy tried to hold 
her hand... "This can't be happening... that that.... stuff out there.... 
its... its.... week old rancid pudding!"
 
Tommy looked at the blackness outside... thinking that Sally had finally 
flipped her lid.
 
Adara:
 
"It's the WHAT?"  cried Tommy.  "It's the pudding!  The pudding I tells ya!  
and it's coming to get me!"  Roseanne's nasally voice then rings clear 
through the chaos.  "Come to me, my little pudding gremlins, come to me!"  At 
the sound of her voice, millions of nasty, tiny gremlins are formed from the 
pudding.  They swarm around Tommy and Sally, making way to their mistress, 
Roseanne.
 
Butterfluff:
 
Tommy pulls his shirt off, wrapping it around his face. "If they get down 
your mouth and nose, you're dead. Sally! Quickly!"
 
Sally balked, sure this was just a ill-timed ploy for her to take her clothes 
off. The pudding gremlins started to swarm up her legs, toward her face.
 
Slug:
 
Amidst the confusion, Tommy calls out, "There is only one thing we can do to 
save us!  Call my uncle (who just happens to be an evil dentist) and unleash 
the power of his "Halloween candy and pudding rots teeth" rant upon the 
pudding Gremlins!  The pudding monsters won't know what hit them!"  Of 
course, since Tommy's shirt was covering his mouth, all everybody heard was 
"mrphl smrphl cromphyl sloom eat more candy corn moopher!"
 
The sorcerer then notices Tommy begin to dial his cell phone... then he calls 
out to his minion, Roseanne, "Stop him you fool!  This dimmension has an 
exceptionally good pans-dimmensional phone line!"
 
KevMan:
 
Tommy just finishes dialing the number and starts to mummble into it as 
Roseanne reaches out and grabs him in her puggy hands. She then tears his 
stirt off his head and tosses his to the gobblins with a thud.
 
Tarka:
 
Tommy slambed to the floor with a wet sickening thump, brusing his body when 
he landed.... He could just see Sally as she was swarmed over with the 
pudding greamlins... still to bashfull to take off her shirt even in the face 
of death... then his vision was compleatly covered with pudding bodies.
 
"Oh god... have mercy on my soul!" Tommy whispered as the wet little paws of 
the gremlins prying at his mouth. Then the unthinkable happens... and the 
first one crawls into his mouth... he screams but it is cut short.
 
The Sossor laughs softly... then he frowns.... the screams have stopped... 
only to be replaced by the happy sounds of slurping. "Hey now! Stop eating my 
pudding greamlins! Your not supposed to like them!"
 
Adara:
 
Tommy tries to grin while eating the pudding gremlins, "Yeah, it may smell 
rancid, but DA-YM, these babies are good!  You're a regular Emeril!.  The 
Sorceror screamed in anger, "NO, YOU STUPID CHILDREN, THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO EAT 
YOUR SOUL!  BUT THEY CAN'T DO IT IF YOU ENJOY THEM, YOU LITTLE FREAKS!"  
sally stuck her tongue out at him, and finished eating, too.  A large rumble 
is heard as the roof of the old house suddenly comes crashing down.  8 tiny 
reindeer fill the room, along with a large sleigh and a fat old man.  All the 
reindeer, and the man, are wearing tiny pink g-string bikinis.  The man 
stumbles out of the sleigh with a bottle of rum in his hand and approaches 
the sorceror, "Hey, you." says the fat, white-haired man, poking the sorceror 
in the ribs, "Halloween's old news, man.  It's yesterday's garbage.  
Christmas is the new thing, baby...A SEXY CHRISTMAS!"  The reindeer begin to 
dance around the pillars of the house like pole dancers as the man (OK, by 
now we can assume he's Santa) comes over to
Fin
 
Roseanne, "Hey baby, you're hOTT!  I like a woman with some meat on her 
bones!  What say you become Santa's sexy wench?"  and with a snap of his 
wrinkly old fingers, Roseanne too donns a g-string and hops into Santa's 
sleigh.  Santa follows her, stopping only to pick up Tommy and Sally, "Come 
on you punks, let's get out of this hell-hole."  The reindeer stop dancing, 
and they sleigh begins to rise.  Loud disco music is heard as the sleigh 
fades into the distance, never to be seen or heard from again.