It was a Dark and Stormy Night. As Calway Badger walked down a deeply dark ally with his 45 drawn. He had been told that he could find Muddy Bones here in this ally and was looking for them. They were an old friend from high school. Only they didn't part friends.
Muddy Bones, as it turned out, was not really a single person, but rather a group of misfits.
He'd had a problem with them and a large bottle of Ketchup.
He looked to the left into the dark openning. Then flipped his light on into the face of a flea bitten Raccoon.
"Get that fucking light out of my eyes Asshole." Said the raccoon.
Calway turned the light off. "As you say. I am looking for Muddy Bones. You know where I can find them?"
"Sure thing fatso... Whats it worth to ya?"
Calway didn't expect such a response, but he was in no mood to screw around. He promptly put the muzzle of his .45 up to the Racoon's head and said, "I hope it's worth your continuing existance."
The flea-bitten raccoon looked startled, like a kid. Obviously he hadn't expected this snot-nose to be so tough. He gulped, and nodded slowly.. "Sure mister, jeez.. they're prolly down at the Friendly Restaurant. Tough little dive bar, I doubt anybody who walks in there with an attitude will get out..". Calway sneered, and patted the coon on the head, almost friendly.. "If anybody gets in my way, I'll make em remember me."
Calway left the kid behind and walked down the allyway to the hole in the wall bar down the way. The Friendly Restaurant was one of those eatting joints that seemed to get by without ever telling the FDA that it existed. Just the place that one will find the mong allycat pie. He slambed his fist into the door a couple to times to get the attention of the block just inside. A little peek hole opened.
"What the password sucker?"
"Password?" chuckled Calway.
"Yeah," said the goon. "Bosses orders, ya know. Can't let anyone in without a password."
Calway fingered his .45 briefly, then remembered what the 'coon said to him earlier. /Better not,/ he thought. Absent-mindedly, he said "Boneyard."
"An older one," barked the goon. "You been away for a while?"
"Yeah," replied Calway. "Quite a while."
The good behind the door slambed the peep hole shut and opened the door. Calway stepped in and had to move fast before the good smashed the door into him again as he closed it. He leaned up against the wall and sucked on his cig again.
"Thanks bub." Calway passed a fiver to the goods other hand and stepped through the dubble curtin.
The room was smoke filled and bozz were just passed around without a hint of restraint. He took off down one isle and sat down at a small table before looking around.
His shoulder was bumped softly with the hips of a young looking Skunk. "What be your poison?" She poped her gum and waited.
"Long Island ice tea," he said quickly. "On second thought, make it a screwdriver." He wanted to be at least partially coherent if he was to find anything out.
The waitress eyed him briefly, then nodded and hurried off to get his drink.
His attention turned suddenly to the stage, when suddenly the revealing a live jazz band, and the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen!
Sure, they were beautiful, but the moment they opened their mouths he knew he'd have a good migraine before the night was out. The waitress returned just then with his drink. Smiling, he slipped a small coin into her hand, then scanned around the darkened room. Of course, there were lots of cats. One of them was making a fool of himself in the corner drunkenly trying to feel up a passing waitress. But where, he wondered, was the cat with the cheek-length scar?
Calways slipped his hand into his pocket and tried to remember how he got into his present mess. Needed the money he kept telling himself. Been a month from his last case and the cops wanted pictures of the Muddy Bones. So were sure paying a hell of a lot for them. His paw found the mini camra. His eyes not once stopping as they scanned the room.
"There you are." Calway saw them over in one of the darker corners of the room... He flipped the minicam up and snapped one picture.
Someone leaned over his shoulder and asked loudly. "What you have them Badger?"
Calway glanced back in the direction of the voice. It was the door goon. "Are you listening? I said, what is that in your hand?"
Calway quickly put away the mini-cam and turned around to meet destiny with this brute twice his size. Before he could blink, he felt a warm touch on his arm, and a soft voice.
"He's here to see me, Bruiser," said the waitress. "He's cool. Go back and watch the door, will you? The boss will boot your ass on the pavement if you let anyone just waltz in here without the password."
Calway looked at the skunk with some suspicion. "Listen," he said carefully. "I don't know who you are, but you just saved my ass. I wanna know why."
The waitress said simply, I don't like cleaning blood off the floor, if it's all the same to you, mister. You'd better just watch your caboose!" She walked off indignantly.
Calway blinked, staring after the skunkess.. cute, but too cold.. He shook his head, and turned his eyes to the crowd again. There! Another of the infamous gang had just sat down at Zeb's table.
He let the minicamera out of his sleeve again, snapping pictures inconspicuously. The younger one was clearly intimidated by the scarred older cat, but they had business.. Cal witnessed an exchange of a small black object.
Calway sighed when he saw them stand up.. here is where he could earn his pay, here is where he could get his ass shot off. What to do? Follow them or head off to the police with his tail between his legs? Calway finished off his drink in a long slug that burned his throat, and walked out the door about 2 minutes after they did.. just to be safe. of course, with his bad luck.. he felt something cold press into his shoulder the second he was out into the night.
Foul smelling breath washed past Calways nose as he was forced to step into the shadows. Clammy paws frisked him over and found his gun but missed the mini-cam. For that Calway was very happy.
"You seem mighty interested in us. My girl said that ya were watching up mighty close there Badger. Could be bad for your health."
Calway played it cool. "Was just looking around the bar is all. Nothing inportent."
Bang. Zap.. where those little birds circling his head? Luckily, by the time he was coherent enough to care, his head was only throbbing from the blow that came next. And it was dark. Dang, somebody'd whacked him good! When he tried to move, he discovered an unusual sensation.. wrists tied together. His hurt mind floated back to a particular vixen.. but no! there wasn't time for that.. he heard the door of his 'cell' clanking open.
A rough voice broke through his daydreams, and he knew it could only be the leader of Muddy Bones. Sure enough, the moment he recognized the voice, he saw the mangled shape of a wicked feline tromping into his cell.
You've got some nerve coming into my joint with this, asswipe," he scowled, dropping the mini cam on the floor where it burst into a thousand tiny pieces and the film unravelled.
Calway looked at it despairingly, watching his last hopes of a decent wage shatter before his eyes. His comtempt grew, but he knew now wasn't the time.
The feline spoke again in a gravelly voice. "Who're you working for this time, FBI?"
"I only work for one person, and that's me. You should know that by now."
The cat opened his claws and raked them across the badger's sides. He reeled in pain as they grazed his side like little needles in his flesh.
"Okay, okay, I'll talk!" he gasped, clutching his side. "I'm working for a guy who calls himself 'Big Louie.' Calway paused, proud of himself for his quick wits.
The cat lifted its head and sniffed the air. "Ah gee... what is that I smell in the air? Couldn't be bull shit now could it?" The cat looked back at Calway. "Comeon Calway... We all here know who you are. We could even cut a deal you know. Will be no hard feelings! What do you say to that?"
Calway thought it over. He sure as hell couldn't go along with what the cat wanted. The cops would skin him alive if he did that. "Like I said, I am working for a guy named Louie. He wanted to know... about the girl is all."
The cat blinked. "What girl? Speak up pond scum!"
"That girl!" Calway said, motioning to the waitress he'd met earlier in the bar.
The beast looked long and hard into the badger's eyes, a decade of hatred welling up from within. "What about that girl?" he hissed.
Calway waited for her to say something, but instead she remained silent. When he thought he'd said his last sentence ever, she spoke softly. "Big Louie? What's _he_ want with me?"
Calway thought really really hard for a moment then grinned inside for just a moment. He kept his outter face looking calm though. "I don't know what he wants. He just hired me to take a few pictures. I need the money so I agreed. No big deal you know."
The young looking skunk girl looked to the cat from Muddy Bones. "Seems like he is telling the truth Sam. I don't know why Louie would start to take on that grudge on me now.... but it looks like he is."
The cat nodded. Then he picked up a phone. "Hey boys. I got another fisherman here for you to pick up. Yes. The normal place." He put down the phone and smiled at Calway. "Good buy Calway. I will not be seeing you again.
Two huge bears came into the room and took Calway between them.
The bears were quite rough with Calway, but his head was still spinning, so he took little notice. That was the second time this mysterious skunkess had saved his skin, and he was beginning to wonder who 'Big Louie' was and how he fit into the puzzle. It was perfectly understandable how someone could develop an interest in the skunkess, but at the same time, hard to believe that someone as pretty as she could fall in with a rough crowd like the Muddy Bones. Something just did not add up, and The cold, wet pavement against Calway's face reminded him that he was no closer to the answer now then when he started this mission.
He heard the bear's footsteps die off as an icy fog rolled in and a horn blew from somewhere in the distance. Vaguely, he heard the muffled sound of water splashing up against the pier, and he realized he must have been down at the wharf. Eventually, he picked himself up and hobbled back to his office.
He staggered in and was promptly met by Olivia, who helped him sit down in his plush office chair.
"My goodness, Calway, what happened to you?!"
"Later, Olivia. First, I need you to make a few phone calls."
Calway dialed up the police first and the vidphone came to life. "Hello inspecter Gadget? I was unable to get the pictures that you wanted...
"What do you mean not about to get them? Well you better bring the Camra back so that we can put it back into storage."
Calway looked very uncertain. "Well... That is the problem. I don't have the camra anymore."
Gadget was kind of quiet for a moment then leaned really close to the vid screen. "You do know how much those mini cams cost your dear old normal tax payer don't you?"
Calway opened his mouth. "Well there being so small..."
"To much! You tax cutting non-paying clown! When I get my hooks into you I will put you so deep into dept they you will never get out. Why when..
Calway hit a button on the side of the vid and the screen started to fuzz out. "I am sorry sir... you are braking up. Can you repeat?"
Olivia turned the vid off for Calway. "My. That went wall Calway."
The last words he heard were "I'll get you, Calway Badger!!!"
Calway Badger stroked his chin-fur thoughtfully. "Olivia, see what you can dig up on Big Louie. I want any information you can find about him, his contacts, his bank accounts, everything.
Olivia flipped on her terminal and quickly brought up a complete criminal report.
Calway Badger sat back in his chair and looked up at the painting in his office. What was all of this about. Who was Big Louie and why did that name mean so much to that young skunk at the club. He typed in the code on the bottom drawer of his desk and his spare 45 poped out of its slot. He mused to himself as Olivia worked at the terminal as he loaded the gun with fresh bullets.
A shadow fell over the glass on the door to the office. A voice sounded out from the all. "Hey. Can I come in?"
Olivia looked up from her terminal. "I am sorry sir. We are closed in the eve. If you would come back in the mronning we can see you then."
The shadow dropped away from the door and Olivia went back to her work.
BANG! BANG! BANG! The window in the door shattered and a large raccoon reached in and undid the door from the inside. He walked into the office with his gun drawn and aimed at Calway.
"Hey. Who are you?" Calway sat up in his seat....
The large raccoon looked at Calway. "Make a guess Fatso."
Calway looked at Olivia's screen and instantly recognized the mug as identical to the raccoon standing in the doorway.
"Big Louie? But how did you--"
"Get here so fast? You think I'd be where I am if I were stupid?"
Louie pointed his gun at the monitor and offloaded a couple of rounds into the terminal.
Olivia squealed and dove under the desk.
"Imagine my surprise when I got a phone call from Sam's henchmen today.
It turns out some bozo named Calway Badger's snapping pictures for me, makin' up big stories about my involvement with Tess."
"Wait just a minute, Louie--who is Tess?"
Louie offloaded another round next to Calway's ear, sending the window behind into a billion splinters.
Louie gasped, and in the blink of an eye, snapped his spare sidearm level with Louie's gaze.
"Looks like we're even, Badger. But you know very well who Tess is."
Calway remained quiet, but guessed that Tess was the young skunkess who saved his life.
A moment later, Louie did something very unexpected: he holstered his pistol.
"Hey," Louie held his hands away from his sides and grinned while staring down the barrel of the 45 in Calway's hand. "You know who I mean! She sorta likes you."
"So you're here to find out what I know about her?"
Louie nodded. A trickle of sweat ran down from his forehead, crosses his muzzle and dripped to the floor.
"I don't have anything to say, but . . . Yeah, I'm interested. Interesting stuff I discovered." Calway cocked the pistol. "Wanna tell me why you're so interested in her?"
"Dammit! What else should I be. She's my goddaughter, for Crissake! As long's she's there, she's safe. Then you show up and start snapping pics right and left." Louie scowled and spit into the still fizzing monitor. "I'd kill to keep her safe. Trouble is, she needed a job. Sam offered her one where he could keep an eye on her. Didn't work like I wanted. She's into something, isn't she?"
Calway nodded slowly. "Suppose she is, then what?"
"First time I knew was when Sam called about you. I came here to squeeze it outa you. I didn't plan on you havin' a second piece so handy."
Calway glanced at Olivia who had crawled out from under the table and resembled a turtle, her legs bound by her tight skirt. He smiled at Louie.
"It's my investigation. The MuddyBones are up to something. They've been using Tess as a gobetween in some way. She doesn't know that. As far as I can tell, she's clean and clear."
"Sam? He-he's using my Tess?" Louie's eyes narrowed.
"That is what I am trying to figure out. You tell me? Someone in his gang, or himself is using her to pass conterfeit money. Leastwise, that's what I think.
Louie growled deep in his throat. "That low down, sleasy, sombitch!"
"I picked up on this while I was gettin' the camera from Gadget!" Calway motioned with his pistol for Louie to sit down. "All I wanted to do was to finish up this job for the parties involved."
"What've they got to do with anything?" Louie sat heavily on a stool.
"Don't know. They just wanted pics of where she was workin'. They were willing to pay plentyi. Now I got a broken computer and no camera and worse, NO money!" Calway growled.
Louie growled again. "When I get through . . ."
"Hey! Stupid ASS!" Calway motioned with the gun. "Yoo-Hoo? You listening? You and Sam are business associates. You go down there and we have a shooting war that no one wins! You get shot, Sam might get shot. Tess is in the middle. Nuthin like goin' off half-cocked and pissed. You ain't thinkin'! You wanna know what's goin' on? So DO I! I'm tired of being knocked about by every two-bit thug in that gang. Worst is I HAVE to go back and find out . . . 'cept I'm in a bind here with YOU!"
Louie bared his teeth. "If it ain't Sam, then who is it that's messin' wit her?"
"As soon's I get back in operation, I plan to find out!" Calway lowered the gun. "We're both after the same thing, but goin' at each other instead."
Louie reached into his coat pocket and whipped out his wallet. He flashed a wad of bills before Calway. "You think this would get you in operation a bit faster, AND get you workin' for me instead of those others?"
Calway smiled. "I think I can satisfy them with a good report provided I get some proper pics."
"Good! They we can trap the bastard that's messin' with her!" Louie hesitated. "By the way, you wouldn't be willing to earn a bit more money, would you?"
Calway nodded. "Always open for legit business."
Louie laid the bills on Calway's desk. "Yer workin' for me now. First, who are the other clients interested in Tess?"
Calway nodded and scooped up the money. He gazed at it joyfully just before Olivia plucked it from his hands. "This should cover the camera, monitor and my overdue salary." She stuffed it down her blouse and waltzed from the office.
Calway sighed. "The others are Mr. and Mrs. John Ghoti, owners of the Otter Tuna Company. Seems their son has been dating Tess. They wanted to make sure she's legit. Seems young Thadeus is about to pop the question to her."
"Tess? Married?" Louie grinned. He handed Calway another wad of bills.
"You've earned that. Get what you need and find that slimeball that's gettin' my Tess mixed up in shit. I don't want nuthin interferin' with her life and her chance to marry big! You got it?"
Calway nodded and pocketed the money. "I got it and you let on like you had words with me and all's taken care of then stay the hell outa the way until I can give you some news. After that . . ."
". . . I take it from there!" Louie got up and stomped out of the half destroyed office. Calway unplugged the monitor and blew out the little nest of flames that had blossomed in the last few moments and left to get what he needed to finish the Ghoti job and switch over to the REAL task at hand.